" IT IS THE GREAT ERA OF PIRATES
FROM OCEANS NORTH AND SOUTH, WEST AND EAST, MEN AND WOMEN SET SAIL FOR THE MYSTERIOUS GRAND LINE
IT IS IN THE GRAND LINE THAT GOL D. ROGER, UNDISPUTED KING OF PIRATES, HID ONE PIECE - THE GREATEST TREASURE IN HISTORY - BEFORE HIS EXECUTION
THE GRAND LINE IS ALSO THE SCENE OF AN EPIC POWER STRUGGLE BETWEEN THE NAVY OF THE WORLD GOVERNMENT, LAWLESS PIRATES, AND FORCES EVEN MORE MYSTERIOUS
ONE OF THESE FORCES - THE BAROQUE WORKS - INTENDS TO CREATE A NEW WORLD ORDER IN THE WARTORNED DESERT KINGDOM OF ALABASTA
THE ONLY OBSTACLE TO THEIR CONQUEST IS PRINCESS NEFERTARI VIVI, WHO IS CURRENTLY BEING ESCORTED BY A ROOKIE PIRATE CREW FROM EAST BLUE CALLED THE STRAWHAT PIRATES
ONCE THE BAROQUE WORKS ANNIHILATE THE STRAWHATS AND SLAY THE PRINCESS, NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO STAND IN THEIR WAY "
EXT. THE OPEN OCEAN OF THE GRAND LINE (DAY)
The blues of the calm ocean and the blues of the clear sky above are so perfect as to be almost indistinguishable. The world is bathing in the warm rays of a summer sun.
The ocean seems to whisper seductive words of adventure to us.
The ocean is clear, but not empty. We can see two ships.
One of the ships is small (bordering on cute), with a smiling buck's head as bow, its main sail decorated with a goofy-looking strawhat-wearing skull-and-bones. This is the Going Merry.
It's the Strawhat Pirates' ship. It is also currently being bordered by the other, much, much larger ship.
The second ship can best be described as a leviathan. Pitch-black and huge, with nasty-looking pieces of steel and iron sticking out of every possible and impossible corner.
Its bow is shaped like a gaping-mouthed dragon, its main mast reaches for the sky like the arm of a titan,
and the logo decorating it - that of the Baroque Works - is equal parts elegant and terrifying.
This is The Incinerator, boasting a crew of 150 Billions (the higher-ranked grunts of the Baroque Works), led by the recently promoted Mister Five 2.0 and Miss Valentine 2.0.
EXT. DECK OF THE INCINERATOR (DAY)
Filling the air with their battle cries, bloodthirst BILLIONS throw themselves off from the deck of The Incinerator down and on-board Going Merry.
These men are all armed to the teeth (some more literally than others) and spoiling for a good fight.
From our vantage point on the deck of The Incinerator we can clearly see them conquer the smaller vessel. There doesn't appear to be any resistance.
Perhaps the Stawhats hope that they will be granted swifter deaths if they don't fight back?
Behind the helm stands MISTER FIVE 2.0 (tall, menacing, wearing huge clawed battle-gauntlets) and MISS VALENTINUE 2.0 (armed with four katanas and a bloodthirsty sheen to her eyes).
Each of them wears a cruel grin.
MISS VALENTINE 2.0
Pathetic, isn't it, Mister Five? Are these truly meant to be the ones who defeated our predecessors and put our glorious organisation to shame?
MISTER FIVE 2.0
It would seem that this confirms our theory, Miss Valentine. Their successes against our colleagues in Whiskey Peak and Smallgard were but flukes.
A pity, really: I was looking forward to a challenge to celebrate our promotion.
MISS VALENTINE 2.0
I guess we should be grateful. If it hadn't been for these shameful wannabe-pirates, we'd still be growing old back on the sixth rung, rather than enjoying the splendour of the fifth.
Hell, once we present our illustrious Patron with the princess of Alabasta, we can probably expect another promotion.
MISTER FIVE 2.0
(grin growing larger by the second)
How right you are, Miss Valentine. "Mister Four" does have a nice ring to it. So does "Mister Three", for that matter. But one thing at a time.
(yelling down to the Billions)
HURRY UP, MAGGOTS! SCRAP THAT SORRY EXCUSE FOR A SHIP!
MALE VOICE 1 (O.S.)
What'd he call our Merry?!
MALE VOICE 2 (O.S.)
Nevermind that, moron. Stick to the plan.
MISTER FIVE 2.0
(continues yelling down to the Billions)
I WANT THE CORPSES OF THE STRAWHATS LAID DOWN BEFORE ME NOW, AND WHOEVER GIVES ME THE PRINCESS GETS HALF OF THAT HUNK OF JUNK'S MISERABLE LOOT!
FEMALE VOICE (O.S.)
He did not just tell his men to steal my treasures!
The Billions - now spread out pretty evenly between the two ships - all look confused. Mister Five 2.0 and Miss Valentine 2.0 look annoyed, trying to understand what is going on.
MISTER FIVE 2.0
WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY?!
Gov! We've searched through the entire ship. 'tis empty. Ain't no pirates, no princess, just dirty laundry and an empty cooler-box!
Maybe because you've been searching the wrong ship!
One hundred and fifty guns, sabres, swords, knives, battle-axes, spears, cannons and talons turn to the source of the voice.
Looking down on them from where he stands at the top of the ship, outlined by the blinding light of the sun, stands A MAN. His posture bold and proud. Armed with a hammer of insane proportions.
He wears goggles that shrouds his eyes in darkness but which themselves catch the rays of the sun, staring down on the Billions as though were they the eyes of an ancient predator.
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!
The Billion speaks for all the assembled members of the Baroque Works. Even though they outnumber their opponent 150-to-1, they are the ones growing nervous.
Laughter reaches their ears. Mocking laughter, from The Man.
Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?
I am He who travels the oceans to distribute justice.
I am He who haunts the nightmares of his enemies years after their pathetic loss to his majesty.
I am the Proud Warrior of the Seas, the Scourge of criminals, Defender of Honour.
I... am... CAPTAIN USOPP!
And I have a million men behind me!
The Billions stare up at USOPP, some nervous, all confused. Whispers break out among them.
A million men...
That's a lot!
Among the Billions moves two WOMEN, one red-haired, the other blue-haired, carrying a chest brimming with gold. The RED-HAIRED ONE glances at the Billion, looks up at USOPP, and
The women move on. None of the Billions can trace the source of the voice, but once the idea has invaded their mind, they look up at USOPP with new eyes. He looks a tad...
short, doesn't he? And skinny. And sweaty. ... Is he shaking?
(slightly less booming, slightly less heroic)
I'm warning you. My men are all invincible, and there's a million of them.
A million and one.
New whispers among the Billions.
Where does he keep his army?
I dunno, but a million and one would outnumber us a million to one. What if he ain't bluffin'?
The two women return, pass through the Billions, disappear into the bowels of the ship, swiftly return - now carrying a new chest of riches - and while passing by:
And the Billions turn once again to USOPP.
...Yeah, he's definitely shaking.
The Billions look to one another. Their confused faces contort to cruel grins as they once more raise their weapons and start approaching USOPP.
(neither booming nor heroic)
A million and TWO men!
A million and three...?
As the Billions approach the shaking USOPP,
the WOMEN make their third trip down into the bowels of The Incinerator and then re-emerge covered in fancy furs and jewellery and carrying piles of guns and swords.
The RED-HAIRED WOMAN passes by a BLONDE MAN leaning against the railing and smoking a cigarette.
I think we can move to the next phase now.
Your wish is my command, sweet Nami.
Meanwhile, the BLUE-HAIRED WOMAN passes by a FURRED MAN who'd look fearsome if it wasn't for the poorly-drawn human mask (complete with the word "human" printed on the forehead) he's wearing.
Are you ready, Doctor?
Sure... Except I can't see anything in this.
...Also, I lost Ruffy.
He said he was starving, and I didn't want him to starve, so I told him to get some food and hurry back.
...That was fifteen minutes ago.
I guess it's down to us, then. Let's do it!
Meanwhile, the first few Billions are about to cut down USOPP. USOPP begins to lift his insanely big hammer...
The Billion charges forth and cuts the hammer in two. USOPP just stares at the empty handle in his hand.
Excellent job, Billions. You have passed my test. For you see, 'tis I, your Patron!
(The Billions pay no heed to his words.)
Your Vice Patron?
A second Billion lunges at USOPP.
(half-way between battle-cry and panicked scream)
USOPP SECRET FAMILY JEWEL SKULL ATTACK!
USOPP drops to his knees while striking his head, successfully hitting the Billion in the family jewels. The Billion drops to the ground with a whimper. A third Billion charges.
USOPP SLINGSHOT OF DESTINY ATTACK!
USOPP pulls a slingshot from his belt and fires two shots simultaneously, both hitting the Billion in the eyes. A fourth Billion attacks.
(pulling a new weapon from his belt)
USOPP ULTIMATE DEATH ATTACK!!!
(aiming at the billion)
USOOOOOOOPP RUBBER BAND!
USOPP fires the rubber band with the force of a catapulted potato chip. It has little effect.
The Billion grins and kicks USOPP in the stomach, who drops to the ground with a whimper.
This is where you die, Zero of the Sea!
The Billion drops his weapon - a huge battle-axe - at USOPP, who closes his eyes.
The screen goes DARK...