ONE PIECE - The Eccentric Exploits of the Egregious Strawhat Pirates in Alabasta (Prologue - Part 2/4)
ONE PIECE - The Eccentric Exploits of the Egregious Strawhat Pirates in Alabasta (Prologue - Part 2/4) one piece stories
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azartborg
azartborg 25. Swede. Anime addict. Arakawa-fanatic
Autoplay OFF   •   12 days ago
Yet more of a prologue for a movie that ain't happenin'

ONE PIECE - The Eccentric Exploits of the Egregious Strawhat Pirates in Alabasta (Prologue - Part 2/4)

MALE VOICE (O.S.)

That's our Sniper you're hurting.

The Billion is thrown with enormous force, flying straight into the main mast and leaving a dent in it.

The Billions turn to the source of the new voice.

It is the BLONDE MAN (wearing a jet-black suit and the world's most unique eyebrows), lighting a new cigarette.

BILLION

Kill him!!!

Eight Billions charge at the BLONDE MAN simultaneously.

BLONDE MAN

(without looking up from his cigarette)

Entrees shouldn't block the buffet.

Almost too quick for the human eye to see, the BLONDE MAN drops to stand on his hands and turns his entire body 1440deg degrees,

his legs extended like rotor blades and delivering devastating kicks to each of the eight Billions who all drop unconscious to the ground.

BLONDE MAN

Pfft. I hope the main course has some more spice to it.

USOPP

Great job, Sanji! Just like I planned it!

BLONDE MAN/SANJI

Shut up.

USOPP

Shutting up.

Down on the deck, MISTER FIVE 2.0 and MISS VALENTINE 2.0 try to make out what is going on.

MISS VALENTINE 2.0

Just what the hell are those buffoons up to?!

MISTER FIVE 2.0

I'll go up there and show them how it's d...

MISTER FIVE 2.0 is hit from behind by the unconscious body of a Billion.

BILLION (O.S)

(screaming)

BEAR! THERE'S A BEAR LOOSE!

Looking down, the Baroque Works Officers see their men being decimated by the FURRED MAN who has now dropped his mask and exposed a grim-looking animalistic face.

MISS VALENTINE 2.0

SHOOT IT!

Half a dozen Billions raise their rifles and aim at the FURRED MAN. Before they get a chance to fire they are consumed by an explosion from beneath their feet.

MISS VALENTINE 2.0

WHAT?!

Among the Billions, the RED-HAIRED WOMAN - NAMI - is holding several detonators.

NAMI

Shoot, I was sure that was Explosive Number Four. Oh well...

She starts activating the detonators, and around the ship several small but well-placed explosives blow Billions to hell.

The FURRED MAN is so busy fighting the Billions in front of him that he doesn't notice the ones approaching from behind.

One of them lunges at him just in time for an OSTRICH-SIZED DUCK to kick him to kingdom come.

BLUE-HAIRED WOMAN (O.S.)

Well down, Beaky!

Now it's my turn!

The BLUE-HAIRED WOMAN cuts down two more Billions with curious blades running down long, thin chains coming from her pinkies.

MISS VALENTINE 2.0

Mister Five, that is...

MISTER FIVE 2.0

I know. Nefertari Vivi, the princess of Alabasta herself. We finally found her. Now, as soon as we defeat these meddling pirates, we can take her and...

Three Billions drop down on his head one after the other. The two Officers look up to see SANJI leap towards the Billions.

SANJI

(furious)

YOU SHITS DARE LAY YOUR SHITTY HANDS ON SWEET, GLORIOUS VIVI?! LIKE SHIT YOU ARE!!!

Sanji kicks the three Billions closest to VIVI. These three fly into another three Billions and all six fly off the ship.

MISTER FIVE 2.0

KILL TH...

USOPP (O.S.)

(as MISTER FIVE 2.0 is covered in a stream of glue)

USOPP INGENIOUS GLUE ATTACK EXTRAORDINAIRE!

Not waiting to see the result of his attack, USOPP legs it in the direction of his fellow Strawhats.

Now USOPP, SANJI, VIVI, BEAKY (the duck) and the FURRED MAN are all engaged in a frenetic battle against the Billions.

SANJI

Where the shit is Ruffy?!

...The moron's off gorging himself, isn't he?

FURRED MAN & USOPP (in unison)

Yup!

VIVI

How about Mister Swordsman?

INT. THE INCINERATOR, BELOW DECK

We're as far below deck as we possible can be. We can tell, because it's dark, and the floor is covered in water. The only light source here is the lantern in the hands of a moving man.

MAN

I'm not getting fooled this time.

In his left hand the MAN is holding the lantern, in his right he is holding a compass, staring at it intently.

MAN (cont'd)

I'm to strike from the south. So from down below.

(sniggers)

Who's the idiot without a sense of orientation now, Twirlybrows?

(he looks first to his left, then his right)

Now then, which way is east?

EXT. THE DECK OF THE INCINERATOR (DAY)

SANJI's kicks are devastating, bringing down foes one by one.

He stops kicking suddenly. Before him is a shaking Billion on all fours, his eyes misty.

BILLION

(weakly)

Food... Need... must... food...

SANJI looks down on the Billion. Then he moves.

A barrel is being torn open and a hand grabs the rice within. Another barrel is opened, and one of the fishes within plucked. Eggs from a carton above one barrel, spices from another.

A knife is swiftly sharpened and then separates the fish's head from its body. A frying pan is plucked and thrust above the fires from one of the recent explosions.

Oil, fish, onions, leeks and peppers are thrust into the frying pan. Rice is thrust down a pot of boiling water.

SANJI

(lighting a new cigarette)

Bon Appetit!

Before the starving Billion now lies a plate of mouth-watering paella. The Billion - teary-eyed - look from the plate to his saviour, and then wolfs down the food.

The flow of tears increases, becoming another spice.

SANJI

Good shit, huh?

BILLION

(in awe)

'tis... 'tis glorious!

SANJI

And your hunger?

BILLION

Gone.

SANJI

In that case...

Sanji kicks the Billion so hard that he flies into the main mast thirty meters away.

A monster of a Billion, nine feet tall, muscular and covered in skull tattoos, grabs the FURRED MAN by the throat and forces him against the railing.

MONSTER BILLION

Say your prayers, bear man!

The FURRED MAN promptly transforms to a creature an eight of his previous size, now looking like a living teddy bear more than anything, albeit one with horns.

MONSTER BILLION

What the hell? You were a bunny?

The FURRED MAN transforms again, this time into a reindeer, and butts the monster billion into the waves with his horns.

FURRED MAN

I AM A REINDEER, AND YOU WILL FEAR MY WRATH!

Remaining in his reindeer form, the FURRED MAN charges into the Billions.

INT. THE INCINERATOR, BELOW DECK

The lantern-and-compass man is now standing waist-deep in water.

MAN

Nuts to this!

He throws away the compass, puts down the lantern on a barrel, and ties a bandana to his light-green hair.

He then unsheathes his three katanas, gripping one in each hand and putting the third between his clenched teeth. He enters into a pose.

GREEN-HAIRED MAN

Time, space, matter...

Three fundamentals, one thousand possibilities...

EXT. THE DECK OF THE INCINERATOR

There're some strange sounds coming from below deck.

Two Billions look at one another.

BILLION 1

What'dya s'pose that sound i...

GREEN-HAIRED MAN (O.S.)

THREE THOUSAND WORLDS!!!

A not inconsiderable portion of the deck is turned to splinters as a three-sword projectile erupts from below. The explosion causes a small hurricane, blowing away several Billions to sea.

SANJI

About time that lazy shit got here.

GREEN-HAIRED MAN (O.S.)

I heard that, Twirlybrows!

SANJI

WHAT'D YA CALL ME?!

Sanji launches himself, not at the Billions, but at the GREEN-HAIRED MAN. The two clash mid-air.

USOPP (O.S)

Not again.

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