Hey! Wazz poppin? I haven't written anything for a while, and I know that there are 2 series that I haven't yet ended. ( The Bond , When I Sleep, I don't know if you people remember these.) The fact is that frankly, I have hit a block. I am not getting any ideas, or inspirations or any kind of motivation to write anything.
The last few months have been quite hectic for me, academically, and many of my dreams have been shattered. I kept on fighting and managed to survive, but the fact is that I didn't want to just survive. I wanted to thrive and win over all the challenges that I faced, but I failed to do so.
And the fact of the matter is, that I failed not because I couldn't do them, or didn't have enough time, I failed because at one point, due to all the pressure, I just gave up. I stooped to the lowest, barest possible mark that I would need to survive, and continued with that level.
And here I am, still not motivated by anything. Two years ago, I was full of energy, and was a budding engineer and scientist with a vision to change the world and do something good for it, and a taste for writing fiction and thriller stories. But I stand here, at the edge of my boat, with my dreams so far away and the road to them so difficult,
that I don't think that I will manage to achieve them. And the thing that I actually don't have an alternate plan (or didn't have the courage to make one) makes the matters worse. I know what you people might say, that I am just ranting and stuff, but I am not. I am telling the truth of my life.
I just wanted to share these things, because I thought it might help. And you people have been so nice to me all this time. The worst thing about the situation is that I could have averted it, I could have done a lot of things to be not in it, but I didn't do any of them.
Time management, was the most important skill that I required, but I didn't have it. Procrastination made the matters worse for me, and all of this and some other factors resulted in a snowball effect, and in the end the big chunk hit me hard. I am not at all getting any kind
of motivation to study, to write or to do anything. This has been the situation for the past 5 months, and it just gets worse day by day. I see my friends moving ahead of me, and then I see my parent's expectations. My dreams, being already shattered, are removed from the equation. I wanted to be different from
my peers, instead of just running behind knowledge for money, I wanted to use that knowledge to do something good in the world, something that might help in solving at least a small part of a problem that it suffers from. But NO. I tried for a year. I worked hard. But I gave up at some point at some tiny task, and then a trail
of events started that took me off from my track. I ask myself this question everyday- Were the tasks so difficult that I had to give up on them? Were they so trivial that I set them aside and did something else? I don't know. The fact that I am not able to clear up my brain is a sign that I was not capable of
for my dreams. Or was I? I am studying in the topmost university of my country, which ranks in the top 200 universities of the world according to the QS Rankings. Numbers, hey? Just numbers. I was a fool to think that by getting into it my future (really?) was sealed, that I could
put complete faith in it and assume that it will at least help me in achieving my goals. But boy, was I wrong. I was so wrong that I still laugh at the decision that I made 2 years ago. Its December now, and I still make a list of goals that I need to achieve every single day.
Regardless to say, that sheet of paper goes untouched the rest of the day, and is thrown in the waste bin every night, crumpled up. I don't know what's happening to me. I don't even want to know because every time I search the internet, I feel bad even looking at the results.