I miss you. Very very much. I know I'm nothing to you. You can just go about your life without me in it and not even notice my absence.
You've people to keep you engaged, work to keep you occupied... But I don't think even a single day goes by when I don't think of you. When I don't think about talking to you.
When I don't think about holding you in my arms. I'd be lying if I said I'm happy that you can go on with your life without even thinking about me once.
But I could never move on or get over you that easily. Things just don't come to me that easily. I prefer to live in anguish over actually having a conversation with you. I'm that pathetic.
I prefer to type an extremely long text which I'm never going to send you and you're never going to read it. Because I just don't have it in me to confess my true feelings towards you.
And I'm scared that I never will. But I guess, this is life. You never get what you want. You compromise. I've always been used to compromising.
But I can never let the person close to me do it for me. If they compromise, I fail. I fail to keep you happy. I fail to keep you satisfied.
And worst of all, I fail because I'm unable to bring that sweet smile on your face which lights up my day. Because I'd do anything to bring that smile. That damned smile...
Which amplifies her beauty and rejuvenates my mind. It just makes my day if I'm able to witness that sweet, innocent smile. I'd fight through heaven and hell just to protect that smile.
All the hardships feel trivial when I catch sight of that smile.
Even though she might suggest that it's not worth it, she just doesn't understand that I'd travel through all nine circles of hell just to be with her.
I regret not being that accessible to you which I'll never be able to get over. But I'd travel all around the world just to be with you. And you'd say that these are just words.
But I'm the kind of guy who would dedicate his life to prove it. There are times that my words hurt. Words have always been my primary weapon. Both for love as well as destruction.
It's a boon as well as a bane. But you can never begin to contemplate how much it hurts me to hurt you. Only if you could know how much I cared about you. How you give my life meaning.
How I'd rather stay in misery than make your life more difficult than it needs to be. How I'd stay out of your life just to make your decision simpler.
I'd even turn into a bad guy just to make our separation that much easier. I'd rather let you hate me than let you suffer in anguish deciding what would be the right thing to do.
It pains me to say this but I'd go on with my life the best way I can. It would be a lie if I said I'd forget you over time. I never forget people in my life whom I truly care about.
So I think it's safe to say that our memories together will forever be etched in my brain. Never to be forgotten, always to be remembered.
I wish I could tell you this in person just to see what you think. But I couldn't make things anymore difficult than they need to be. I wish I could tell you how I really feel.
Maybe in a perfect world, we could actually be together and life would be simple. But I prefer not to be optimistic just for my own sake. Because I could never handle not being with you.
Finally, I wish I could tell you this rather than typing it in your chat and deleting it just to go on without you in my life.