My monster.
My monster. beast stories
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asteri
asteri For ''those'' days.
Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago
I was able to partly touch a topic I felt I couldn't really before and I feel it's a first step for recovering from writer's block.

My monster.

Warning: It's quite depressing. I'll explain in the end that this one, I was the one that wrote it but I disagree with some of the things said. However, since it's about low self esteem, a bit of self harm etc, I recommend you do not read this if you think it can be painful for you!

A monster, I pray,

A monster, I pray, let it be free,

A monster, I pray, let it be free, oh mind, please.

I need it to take control,

I can't seem to do it alone.

A monster not so bad,

A monster not so bad, just to help me out.

I know there's somewhere in there.

I've let it out before,

I've let it out before, I just didn't know it was there at the time.

I couldn't control it.

I couldn't control it. It made me do things to myself,

things I regret.

things I regret. And I don't like the feeling of regret.

It manipulated me into hurting myself, my skin,

my self esteem,

my self esteem, confidence,

my self esteem, confidence, respect.

It whispered in my ear,

day by day,

day by day, by day,

day by day, by day, by day.

It didn't really mean any harm.

It didn't really mean any harm. It was just mad that it was born,

It didn't really mean any harm. It was just mad that it was born, and I was the one that gave it life.

It's only natural all that anger was directed at me.

Now I've tamed it.

Now I've tamed it. Now I've given it a new purpose.

Not to despise me.

Not to despise me. To criticize me, for the best.

I helped it learn that every time I saw myself in the mirror, it didn't have to let my tears fall,

it didn't have to lead me into making me hate me for all my flaws.

It just had to help me better myself.

All that darkness was driven off its body.

But now it's asleep.

But now it's asleep. Wake up,

But now it's asleep. Wake up, wake up I summon thy.

It's your turn to teach me.

It's your turn to teach me. You've altered hate into love.

It's your turn to teach me. You've altered hate into love. But you've failed to make me love myself.

It's your turn to teach me. You've altered hate into love. But you've failed to make me love myself. You just have fallen in love with me.

So now you've put an end to your waking days, so as to protect me.

And I'm stuck in that void, that I no longer feel anything about me.

And I'm stuck in that void, that I no longer feel anything about me. So if I'm not meant to be to adored by me,

at least make me hate me once more.

I can't stand seeing nothing anymore when I look in the mirror.

I'll never see the beauty.

I'll never see the beauty. So bring back the beast.

P.S. I'm not really begging to hate myself again, I've come a long way to fall back to that. It's just that some days I feel that even though all that self hate is gone, nothing more has taken its place. Just a void, no strong feelings about myself. I want to love me, but that's not something that comes with desire,

- it comes with hard work and patience, I know. I've portrait in this piece a wrong belief I had a while back, that if I weren't to love myself, I should despise me. However now I know I'm wrong. If I were able to drive away that nasty feeling, I can drive in a loving feeling as well. As long as I don't lose hope. Thank you for reading until the end!

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