My Toxic Relationship.
They say your first love lasts forever.
An infinite feeling that brought us together.
You were my muse, I truly loved you.
Some fucked up, obsessive,
By everything that you were,
and our wrong connection.
I just couldn't see,
I was blinded.
What happened to us?
My first love,
free spirits we were.
And before we knew it...
shattering one another became a norm.
Just like that,
I went from loving you unconditionally;
To resenting you continuously.
And yet I stayed, over and over again.
Sometimes we just want what is bad for us,
Fucked up, I know.
Reality struck, this ain't no fantasy,
It ain't no fairy tale love.
There's no happy ending here,
My toxic relationship.
Do you Remember the days I used to lay on your chest?
our bodies locked together,
And still I was blinded.
A synchronisation of darkness,
we chose to create.
It really held us together.
But we stood side by side, as we fought to be free.
My toxic relationship,
In your arms,
I used to feel safe and protected.
And now I just feel rejected.
Walking on eggshells
Faking a smile,
wearing a face,
I couldn't even recognise.
Days were spent constantly battling my eyes,
not to cry.
All this because I couldn't find the courage, to leave.
We went from painting a perfect future,
to travelling down a road of darkness.
We raced through this journey, trying to escape,
wondering how I got sucked into this black hole.
tearing you down was just the beginning of this dark storm.
Made up of sleepless nights, and abusive 'communications.'
Causing purposeful hurt,
A chain reaction,
A trigger of a vicious endless domino train
constantly igniting the worst reaction.
My toxic relationship
was my daily high.
I guess I lost my mind,
due to mental deterioration.
Asking myself, how did I let it get this far?
I mean what the f***!
You were my muse.
Wake me up from this nightmare.
I miss the old days,
those 'happy' times.
When we smiled, laughed and played fun games.
My toxic relationship
Look what we did,
designed particular insecurities tailored for each other.
How did we EVER end up like this?
I was scared,
from ever loving again.
Or finding someone like 'YOU.'
Imagine these days,
Some of us lower our crowns,
for such treatment.
Spending days, even years,
trying to fix something that is already broken.
Holding onto something that our subconscious can't even fathom.
So, to my toxic relationship,
I did love you.
Even on your worst days.
I let you beat me down
and I thank you for my internal scars,
I remembered my crown
it took a whole lot of courage,
and here I am now
set free, a newborn butterfly.