23 May 2017 16:09
You know that feeling-I'm gonna sound really stupid in a second-when you feel trapped in a situation where you believe there is no way out, or there's only one outcome that could be impossible,
but then you kinda get that 'light at the end of a dark tunnel' feeling, and you think things might actually be okay.
That's how I feel right now.
Laeliah sat with me at lunch. I usually sit at a table all by myself. But she took the seat across from me, and we ate.
Sometimes she would make a comment about how beautiful I looked, or ask how my lunch was-to which I just looked up at her and shrugged-but other than that it was silent.
Now, this action doesn't seem so crucial, so what she sat next to me, anyone could simply do that. But thats what makes it so special.
Because she sat with me when no one else did.
And I enjoyed her company. So much that I couldn't tell her what was wrong, like she asked me to yesterday.
I ended up slipping a note in her locker with my number in it, on my way to my next period.
And I could just imagine Rowan walking right next to me, walking down the hall with me; and this time, I could see what he felt and thought about me in the very moment.
That imaginary moment with him.
He wore a proud smile.
23 May 2017 20:11
Laeliah: Hello? Who is this? You left your number in my locker. . .
Me: You sat with me at lunch.
Laeliah: Oh. . .Hi!
Me: Hi. Thanks for sitting with me, it was nice to have some company.
Laeliah: Oh it was no problem, you looked lonely, and I thought you wouldn't mind if I sat with you. I missed us hanging out, we were really good friends.
Me: Yeah, me too.
Laeliah: Maybe we could make some plans soon, I'd love to catch up.
Me: Yeah I would like that. Can you sit with me tomorrow?
Laeliah: Yeah, of course!
Me: Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then.
Maybe my world isn't a complete disaster. Maybe under all the rubble of it, there's still hope for surviving parts.
Maybe, the light at the end of the dark tunnel, was just a little farther than I thought originally. I just had to take another step to see it.
And now, it's closer than I ever thought possible.
I'm gonna sprint as fast as I ever had to reach it.
And Rowan will be running with me.
03 August 2017 18:41
I lost my journal. But I found it. Things change since my last entry.
The next day after texting Laeliah, I spilled everything to her. Right then and their at the lunch table, like I planned.
At first I got mad because I could see pity in her eyes, and I didn't tell her because I wanted her to pity me. But it didn't last long.
She knew exactly what to say, she said we would get through it together, step-by-step, and she would be there for me.
I never realized how good it felt to have a friend until I didn't.
We've never been closer. I'm glad for this experience.
If I never went through Dex or Rowan leaving, I would have never grown stronger.
Ever since I sprinted through the light, Rowan hasn't been around much. I see him sometimes during the most important moments, but not all the time like I used to.
Maybe Rowan was the light I've been waiting for. Like he was trying to show me that what I've been doing was kinda wrong, and he was trying to show me the right way.
And now that I'm here, he knows I don't need him much anymore, that I can't hold on to him all the time anymore.
And for once, I'm okay with it.
I guess things had to get worse before they could get better. I know that now.
Laeliah and Odín became my two good friends over the summer and we plan on hanging out later tonight.
And I'm going to enjoy every second of it.
A/N: thank you for anyone who actually took the time to read my story. i wrote this when i was only thirteen for my seventh grade english class.
this is the raw version of the story, maybe one day i’ll go back and edit it, but for now i want to keep it like this to see how far my writing has come <3
thank you again <3 —leigh