It doesn't sound the same when you say my name
The words don't roll off your tongue like they used to
The phrases and sounds catch in your throat
Like my breath catches in my lungs when I remember how it felt to hear that you loved me without the numbing hesitation and crackling voice that resembles forest fires
Destructive and unstoppable, the ending was
I could feel it like a chill in the air during late September as autumn approaches
Slowly and then all at once
It's ironic because that's what they say about love
It happens slowly and it did, and then comes crashing at you in the form of waves against the pier I used to jump off of when I was a kid
It always felt so good
Not matter how hard the day beat me down
To hear your pretty voice radiate over those speakers
Telling me that it's okay and I'll be okay
How do I remember it now without you to tell me?
I don't know what it feels like to be okay.
You were my antidote, you calmed the anxiety and now it's raging in me like there's acid pumping through my veins
I feel aching in parts of my chest I didn't even know existed. It's so slow and painful and I can't imagine how death could hurt more than losing the one thing that allowed me to feel secure.
I'm not secure
I'm not okay