Dean sat alone in his room, holding his head in his hands. He had been drinking and crying, a bad combination.
Castiel was gone... again. He had stayed behind in purgatory, far from reach. God only knew how long he'd remain there,
escaping monsters for what could be... what? years, decades, centuries?
Cas had already perished before, but God had brought him back. Dean silently believed he came back for him.
Because he loved him because they were meant to be together.
Even if he returned again, Dean was exhausted of suffering over his loss.
He was exhausted of sobbing and feeling that sharp pain in his stomach each time he lost Cas all over again because each time it felt like it was going to be forever.
Dean didn't know if Castiel was coming back this time around: All he could do was wait and hope. Hope that he hadn't lost his angel for good.
He wanted to give up and let go of his feelings, but Dean knew that would never happen. He loved Castiel too much to ever let go.
He couldn't keep losing Castiel. Something had to change. Next time they met, Dean decided, he'd come clean about his feelings, at long last.