I never thought I would be writing this because I never thought it would happen. I also never thought that "this" currently would be my reaction. It's something I have waited years for.
It's something I thought would make me happy, the only thing that would make me happy. Now it's happening and I'm freaking out. I feel somewhat torn and I didn't expect to feel this way at all.
I guess I thought I would have more time to process it but everything is happening so fast. It's just like okay cool things are getting back to normal, the weather is getting nice and things are going well. Now my "normal" is changing and I'm going to have to change too or this isn't going to go well.
On May 13, 1994, we (me and my mom) moved into in the apartment we are currently living in. Next week it'll be 24 years we have lived in the same place. That's a lot. I have pretty much spent my whole life living in the same town, going to the same places and seeing the same people.
I thought I would be so ready to leave all of that and start somewhere new but I'm not. I mean I am but internally my body is screaming because moving away means I need to learn how to drive and get a job and figure out what I'm going to do about school and meet new people because no one will be around. Not even my only friend right now that I can message and be like hey wanna walk around.
That's another thing, I can walk around the development but I can't do much else without taking a bus (blehh) or having someone come pick me up. Honestly I don't want to rely on either. Did I mention this is all happening way to fast?!!
I gotta figure out what to do about my therapy too because where I'm living now it's within walking distance. I wish I still had my best friend cause I really want to talk to someone about my fears but I don't want them to think I don't want to do this.
I want to move I just didn't think it would happen so soon. I thought I would have time to get my license and well breathe lol. I'm looking around my room and thinking about the stuff that has happened in here. Just in the last few months alone but also the last 24 years! It's a lot.
Today we're going to pack more stuff, sometime this week we're signing the lease and then we gotta move 24 years of things out of the house. Everyone is being really helpful and by everyone I mean mostly family because I don't really have friends anymore that can help lift heavy things.
Sometimes I wish I was still friends with the "guys" or had a guy of my own. Bleh I can't think about that right now.
I have to focus on this major change and also going to my cousin's grad party today where I know that someone is going to ask me about classes and all that stuff I'm still working on and oh have you thought about learning how to drive and no of course the thought never crosses my mind or hey maybe you should think about getting a job because I bet a 26 year old (almost 27)
doesn't ever think about that stuff....blehhhh. I love seeing my cousins and hanging out with them but I could do without the questions.
Also holy freaking shit I need to get rid of half my clothes and half my shit. I have so many books too but I love books and I don't wanna get rid of them...
But the clothes...
I need to downsize and I hope that we have some time to move in cause this chick was like we could have you in by the weekend and I was like woooah slow down there Miss Eager Beaver.
We just found out yesterday we could move sooo needless to say we weren't prepared for this! Anyway it's happening and now that I've thought about it and wrote about it, I feel slightly less nervous about it.
I gotta stop beating myself up for the things I've done and haven't done because honestly I do that so much at some point I just became one big bruise. This will be good. This will be scary and new but also exciting. But this will be good.
Sooooo How's everyone else doing?