Happy Birthday? (Life Update)
Happy Birthday? (Life Update) friends stories
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ARivers610
ARivers610Just another hopeless writer
Autoplay OFF  •  13 days ago
I fucking hate birthdays...rant enclosed. Sorry it's a long one

Happy Birthday? (Life Update)

The birthday blues are hitting me hard today. Probably because I spent the day with my cousins and their friends and helping with her graduation party.

I don't mind helping and seeing my cousins is worth the worthlessness I felt all day. It's not their fault they've got friends and I don't.

But even when I had friends, I never had as many as her.

And it's the age thing and feeling like I've done absolutely nothing.

I mean my cousins are like 9 years younger than me and they have two jobs, are going to school and can drive a fucking car, then there's me.

I have nothing

I have no one

and every time I think about doing any of those things my chest tightens

and I just can't.

I can't look for a job, because I don't drive and I can't learn how to drive because I can't afford it. I just feel so behind I bet my mom would be proud of me if I were more like my cousins

I just feel so useless every time I go anywhere with them. I'm just this 27 year old loser with no friends

God I miss my friends

This is the first time in my life that I haven't had a best friend

Now I'm sitting here crying and I knew I would cry today I felt it all day I can't be around people for too long It just takes too much out of me

My stupid brain is like

hey maybe they'll wish you a happy birthday

Maybe your dad will wish you a happy birthday

Maybe someone will care

Maybe someone will surprise you

I hate birthdays

I'm supposed to go with my mom to Cape May and I've been looking forward to it for like a month and now I just want to lay in bed and cry and listen to music and cry

I never asked to be born

I never asked to have depression

I never asked to have anxiety

What did I do that was so horrible to have the things that happened to me?

Why can't I just find someone who can be there for me while I fix myself and be patient with me?

Am I not worth the trouble?

You dropped our friendship on the ground like it meant nothing

I guess now I know what you think of me

I'm nothing to you

I was nothing but a burden

I moved but my problems followed me

I knew they would

God I fucking hate birthdays

I mean honestly

what do I have to be happy about?

Why do I have to be happy about life right now?

I never asked for this shit

I just asked you to give a shit

I guess that was asking too much

I'm sure I'll write some depressing poems later and post them

For now I'm going to cry and listen to music

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