In my Head
In my Head emotional stories
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aria123456
aria123456 Community member
Autoplay OFF   •   a year ago
If you ever feel down about yourself, or feel like you're the plain jane, or like you're not special, or good enough. just know we all go through it. First official poem: Plain Jane Volume I

In my Head

It sucks being the ugly friend.

You look at a picture, of a girl, so beautiful, and then there’s you…

The cycle has no end.

The cycle of comparison, despite it being a mighty sin

I can’t seem to break its hold on me.

it’s throwing me back into depression.

“Just to look like this, it took a long time”

Just like Carti said, in this factual rhyme

Even when I try to pop out, I fall short

Even when I wear makeup, no one seems to want to court

It doesn’t stop there. I compare beyond there,

To their smarts, to their experience, to their bodies

It doesn’t stop, so I’m getting scared

I be crying randomly now,

can’t even hide it in my privacy,

Can’t hold it back when I’m alone, so I fall to my knees to bow

Bow to God, but I don’t know what to say

He made me this way, on purpose

How could I throw that back in His face

It gets worse though.

I be questioning every guy

You want me or my friend that you saw on Facetime?

You gonna drop me as soon as Kelsey hits up your line?

Am I even what y’all say I am?

Am I smart, am I pretty?

Am I even funny?

The verdict ain’t looking too sunny.

The clouds keep coming, the storm keeps brewing

It’s hard to keep that smile on my face like I’m not going through it

But it’s alright, it’s okay,

I’ll put it away for today

And the next after that,

Cause you can’t change in life what’s facts

No matter how much it hurts, and how incomplete you feel

How unwanted, or how big of a deal

I’m not her, I don’t look like her, I don’t walk like her, I don’t act like her

I’m not her, you had to have heard

You had to have seen

That pretty privilege is a real thing,

too bad for me it will just stay a dream

But it’s alright, it’s okay

I’ll put it away for today.

I avoid that mirror, but I seek it out

Validation for the needy,

ain’t nothing to joke about

I want to boost my girls, I want to feel happy for them

But now whenever I listen, or see, or feel..

there’s a negative stem

A stem that grows more each day,

It’s pushing and fighting me the more I say

Can’t wait for the day when I get over this “so-called phase”

Still be wondering if with my first adult check,

Should I drop the funds, and edit that nose

Tweak those lips

Maybe become something that someone might miss

That someone might kiss

That someone might love on, that someone might wife.

All those fantasies, that seem so bright,

But as far as the stars

Come on girl, get outcha feelings

That’s what they say

You’re not even 20

You have a lot to be grateful for

Those blessings oh so plenty

But what they don’t know is that I forget them

Just like I forget my family, just like I forget my friends

In those dark moments, when it’s just me and Him

He looks down on me, trying to reach me

But I can’t see clearly,

through the haze of the dreary

But it’s alright, it’s okay,

I’ll just keep putting it away.

For today.

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