It's 6pm and the Sun descended so far, meanwhile a tranquilizing calm draws over the town. The days are getting shorter and evenings a little quieter. Autumn is rusting away.
And here I sit on the rooftop my safe haven, away from the daily hustle and bustle of the life of people here. The sky above bursts out hues of tangerine and gold and lilac.
It has always compelled me to remember moments, people, vibes that past by. A rare kind of consolation comes along. I like it here.
While a tear rolls down my cheek, its soothed by the breeze. The wind is damp. Its mild cold. Winter in the vicinity. And I wonder, does it thrills someone somewhere else. Of how hard it was to make it here through all the chaos of spring.
Of what a knock-down-and-drag-out year it has been so far. Of how fleeting, temporary this Life is.
Been a long while, since I last wrote and put here. I have been at lost of words and time and desire. Inconsistent. Always.
I don't want to write sad today. So I opt for painting an illusionary space in barren lands of your mind about my way to Light. Or better say, for me to keep holding that Light. Bear with me.
Starting off with a little introduction.
I am a computer science student, who just slayed (I wish) her spring semester examinations. Is currently one year away from graduation. And is also enrolled in a cloud computing program.
Had to do bundle of internships. Always up with projects and assignments. And this concludes to the prime reason I always end up reading articles or watching tutorials about machines rather writing.
Pretty much it about 'the introduction', as the sole purpose was to justify why inconsistent.
Rewind to October, 2016.
I haven't lost the sight of that night (Life at present is somewhat similar to that night), when darkness and dusk fill my room up to the ceiling and I,
with my back against the bed endure the silence and pain fostering within. It was all dim and quiet and nerve wracking.
That kind of 'shattered' you know would take, a seemingly endless span of time to be yourself again. All vulnerable. All astray. Teared up heart. Scarred soul.
I haven't fathom the vehemence of this before. When in prayers, *** at the very beginning of dawn - 'dispersion of light' *** within and outside, I asked for nothing but someone to hold me and fix.
And in all the grief, I stumble upon these words.
And in all the grief, I stumble upon these words. Close the Book.
And in all the grief, I stumble upon these words. Close the Book. Stare into nothing for a whole minute.
And in all the grief, I stumble upon these words. Close the Book. Stare into nothing for a whole minute. Took a deep breathe to let them sink in.
And in all the grief, I stumble upon these words. Close the Book. Stare into nothing for a whole minute. Took a deep breathe to let them sink in. Too profound.
And in all the grief, I stumble upon these words. Close the Book. Stare into nothing for a whole minute. Took a deep breathe to let them sink in. Too profound. Too loud.
Quoting verse 113:1 - "qul 'a`uwdhu birabil falaq "
It said what in almost every literature is translated to, " Say : I seek refuge, with the Lord of Daybreak. " I nearly lost my breath. Search for the ‘tafseer’ - description. The aura, the timing, the prayer in darkness all around didn’t just happen to be.
And here, I desire to unfold how divine these words are. So if any suffering soul out there is struggling, may you find solace in these words.
At the end, I wrote the word analysis. Beginning with my abstract.
These sacred words came to me as : Now that pain comes to you by seeing how in love you were with the fleeting Worldly desires that left you in dark. How arrogant you were about your existence that will decay. And how consumed you were about thoughts of those who hurt you the most.
Let the same pain bring you out of this conceit. Let pain blow up each once of ego or false sense of this World. Affirm how weak, tired, impotent, and powerless you are. And seek haven and roads with the Lord who is capable of tearing apart the utmost of darkness and brings out light. Who split opens barren land to create masterpiece. The Lord of Dawn.
Surrender yourself completely in ultimate submission and humility to only Allah and not this temporal worth. Move into His fortification for refuge against all fears, all pain, all sorrows. For He is aware of the very tear you drop, for He provides from where you never think of, for He is capable to turn your night into days.
- Ever since that night, boom how abrupt of me to say even with an aching heart, Pain to me was 'blessing'. A reminder, a call to be on the path of Light.
QUL The word Qul - is a 'command verb'. In linguistics analysis, 'qul' merely doesn't mean "Say".
Qul is a command to announce openly our weaknesses, finitude, impotency, powerlessness. To confess decisively that for the very next breath to the last breath we take, we are entirely in need of Allah and only Him.
This declaration is an act of humility. It is to destroy each ounce of "Ego". The arrogance or any false sense of 'I' in us.
A`UWDHU - is a 'verb' translated as to " I seek refuge ".
Arabic is a profound language. 'asta`idhu' and several forms of the word are translated having the same meaning of 'I seek refuge'. Here's the charm seeking refuge in 'asta`idhu' is a 'desire', seeking refuge in 'a`uwdhu' is again 'declaration'.
A'uwdhu has it's origin with 'a`dhh' meaning "cling to someone for protection, hold onto someone and not let go out of the fear of a calamity that is unseen". Having roots with 'ma`adh' - "A place where you find shelter/refuge".
This declaration is an act of submission. Giving oneself up downright. Entering into Allah's refuge. Setting foot in His fort for protection.
RABB - encompasses the meaning of 'the owner, the one in charge, the caretaker, the bestower, the maintainer'.
Rabb, in all its entirety is the most beautiful word. It divinely portrays the relationship between the Creator and His creations. How complete ownership and authority belongs to Him. How not just He creates, He nurtures, He cares, He is conscious, He is protective. He is the maintainer How whatever he bestows, pain or joy, success or failure everything is a blessing in disguise.
FALAK - originates from 'Falaka' which literally means to split something open. Falak refers to tearing apart the night for the light to spring up - daybreak.
It also intertwines with 'Falik' - meaning the sprouting of plant tearing the seed open. Falak refers to the phenomena of creation - tearing. For springs that tear out of mountains, for rain that splits open the sky, for days that tear up the ultimate hours of night, for the children that comes out of womb. He is the Lord of Daybreak and the Lord of Birth.
If you make it till here, a, I am thankful you read. b, I'd love to know if you want me to share more such writings. With love, a.y.m