So that question has been bouncing around in my head. I think I came up with a pretty vivid and accurate "metaphorical picture".
It is a small gland that lives inside my heart -- very close the the aorta. In a "normal" person their depression gland is very small and your probably cant even see it.
For me it is SWOLLEN.
My depression gland looks like Jabba the Hutt. It is a puss and shit filled sack that lives inside my heart.
Every time my heart beats it passes my blood over it and takes that depression stink to every cell of my body.
Blood is supposed to bring the nutrients of life to every cell of your body -- since my depression gland is so swollen it takes the depression stink to all those same cells.
The swelling of that gland can go up and down.
The period where I sat on the ottoman for nearly four hours without reading, watching TV, or doing anything until I went to work was probably the most swollen that it has ever been.
It was so close to occluding all blood flow that it was conceivable that it could end my life.
There are times when the swelling is down. Maybe it is so small that nearly all blood is flowing normally.
But even with nearly 100% circulation -- all my blood still gets washed in the stink from the dirty, greasy, stinky gland.
I am pretty sure that the medications I take keep the swelling down, but I have been taking them for so long maybe I have grown immune to their effects.
As I write this I feel sort of an overwhelming dread. A feeling of sadness that I will never get rid of this disease.