So yesterday during the counseling session we worked on that EMDR (or whatever it is called) and we talked about that "You're FAT" comment 30+ years ago.
We talked about how it felt and the like.
We talked about what image came to my mind. I came up with the visual of being shot in the stomach by a shotgun. The idea of that huge gaping wound it would leave.
I furthered the metaphorical image along and said that it would be a huge wound that would go very deep, but it would not necessarily kill you.
That maybe with some type of occlusive dressing it would slowly, slowly, slowly heal. But things would never be the same.
Then he had me run with the thought...
So I visualized such a disgusting, deep, oozing wound across the entire abdomen. With pieces of intestine, skin, fat, all hanging out.
I thought of that visual of the kid laying on the beach with his guts hanging out screaming mommy in Saving Private Ryan. That is the visual I came up with.
So somehow I managed to scoop my guts back up into my abdomen. Grab the pieces of skin and maybe wrap myself up in 200 feet of occlusive dressing. Round and round. Make it tight.
Oops that little piece of tissue fell out.
Grab it and toss it back into the mess.
Keep wrapping. Make it TIGHT.
So we continued to run with that visual. I thought about how that would "heal". Maybe all of those pieces could eventually attach back.
Maybe there could be enough circulation to allow for "healing"
But there would be SCARRING.
Oh the SCARRING.
Imagine what it would look like with such a nasty gut wound and all the scarring. There would be tissue contractures. There would be keloids. There would be balls of scar tissue.
The body would never be the "same" or even "healthy".
I continued to think about the fact that if your entire gut was scarred three, four, five or six inches deep, you would not be able to stand up straight.
You certainly would never take your shirt off in public view.
You probably could not see your pecker from above.
You would be a pretty miserable sight.
Imagine one of those old ladies who suffer from osteoporosis-- how they are all bent over. That is probably how that person would look, with all that scar tissue and contractures.
That person would go through life stooped and not able to walk proud.
They would go through life looking at their feet.
They would go through life not really being able to look people in the eye.
They would go through life not very agile.
What a shitty thing to say.
I hope Mike T. gets hemorrhoids the size of golf balls.