I feel conflicted about how I feel about my father. I do love him, but that is a new feeling. He was an abusive asshole, and even now he is sometimes a jerk, but it’s not the same.
To give some background my father is a babyboomer born after WWII, but he has always been really chill about politics.
He has had four children.
My half brother, my other half brother, my sister, and me.
When it comes to my half brother, my dad was not in their life at all, but when my oldest half brother died (war) my father got really out of it.
One day when he was being his old self he was picking on my sister for not doing anything around the house. To paraphrase, I told him to pick on someone his own size.
A couple of days later I told him to fuck off. He pushed me against the wall but nothing else.
I thought this was really weird but then I remembered my half brother. My father was trying to be a better dad to me and my sister.
For a long while after that we had a weird dynamic of him keeping himself calm and me also trying to keep myself calm.
After a particularly terrible couple of weeks I tried to kill myself. My father was so upset. I saw him cry. I will never forget the words he said to me.
“This is my last chance to be part of a family”
He has major ADHD and depression so the second he was old enough his already terrible parents (because that was just the time) kicked him out of the house.
He watched his friends then die around him in Vietnam. He kept moving around and being kicked out of places. Hell, he had two kids but the mother didn’t let him see them.
My mother was one of the only things that kept him in place. My sister and I keep him in place.
My father was bad because the only thing he had ever been shown was other people treating him like garage. But he changed his way.
It may have been a really long road, but for the first time in my life I can safely say I love my father. He has grown so much and I am proud of him.