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Autoplay OFF  •  7 months ago
I’m tired all the time, it’s hard for me to think, and I’m in a constant, low-key state of panic right now. And goddamn it, I feel very, very alone in the middle of all of this. Real or not, it’s what I feel.Anyhow.So there’s a company that wants to fly me out to talk to them about a job.
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Untitled

by 8bitavatar

I’m tired all the time, it’s hard for me to think, and I’m in a constant, low-key state of panic right now. And goddamn it, I feel very, very alone in the middle of all of this.

Real or not, it’s what I feel.Anyhow.So there’s a company that wants to fly me out to talk to them about a job.

It’s supposed to be a big deal… new job possibility and all that… and I know I’m supposed to be happy about it.I’m not. I’m scared, and the job they’re offering feels like a huge step backward.

It’s two levels down the chain in responsibility. It’s definitely a huge pay cut. 40%, at least.

I’ve reminded myself that the cost of living is lower where this company is (about 25% lower than my current location), so it’s not _as_ huge a cut as it could be.

But my immediate response to that rationalization is, “That’s the first thought out of your head? Really?

”I’m trying to process the fact that so much of the past few years with the same managers in slightly different management configurations has been an abusive relationship.

I’m trying to process the fact that I’m more profoundly depressed than I’ve been in a while. I’m trying to work with the fact that my industry is dumb. I mean, incredibly dumb.

For a bunch of smart, creative people, they sure are stupid.I don’t sugar coat what I do, and I don’t like talking out of my ass. I like gathering facts and using those facts to make good decisions.

When I ask a producer at an interview what their methodology is, they shouldn’t say “get shit done” like it’s a badge of honor.

Too many teams fall apart and too many projects die under that methodology. That smacks of arrogance, reactivity, and manipulation.

When they ask me how I’d fix their projects, they need to know that I need just a little more information than, “It’s broken,” or, “It needs to make more money.

”What’s the timeline for the fix? What are the immediate needs? Production doesn’t determine revenue targets or strategies, but they can weigh in.

Yet, they need that information before they _can_ weigh in. Production isn’t magic. It’s coordination and communication. It’s risk assessment and planning.

It’s reality checking and quality control. It’s the “boring” part of making something new, and it’s essential because – without it – the thing people want to make generally never comes to pass.

But you will also get exactly what you want to make, so it’d better be good. It’s not production’s fault if your visionary has their head up their ass.

Production can raise concerns and ask questions… production should be able to say,

“I don’t think that’s a good idea”… production should be able to protect the team from egregiously bad decisions or task overflow… but the game will ultimately be what the visionary designed.

I don’t know. Maybe they just don’t like me. Maybe they’re really looking for someone who has the right look or chemistry. Maybe they don’t think I’d be any fun.

it’s hard to not take any of this personally, especially when you get judged in interviews based on the kind of games you play or the projects that made you most proud.

Interviewing is a learned skill, and most of these interviewers don’t have it, clearly.

But my industry churns through most employees before they have a chance to learn any of these valuable lessons, so we’re caught in an endless sophomoric cycle. The hell with that, I say.

I need to stop. I want to stop. I want to be someone different now. I guess that means the industry has churned through me, too.

I have to get a presentation ready for this interview, to show what I can do for their team. I’ll be talking to a recruiter today about the same thing.

I might even end up talking to a couple of other companies before the week is out. Anyhow, I guess I’m still doing this. Maybe I just needed to vent.

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