had i managed to the pull the fingers from my spine i would have found flowers
flowers wreathed in angels tears when their mouths were solemn
bent and burdened i have asked many to try tend to my spine
scoliosis mimicked Fibonacci spiral to try find the golden ratio
a common similarity in them and i
in us and in the universe
what was pulled up was questions turned sickle shape in the cells of my blood when the pieces didn’t fit
the first boy i loved was a knight
he came to my rescue when a witch had casted me out
he tried build a castle but the stone walls reminded me of the caves i favored instead
the second boy i loved was a singer
he did not sing as much as play the guitar and when watching him through windows for years i grew the urge to meet him and run away
we found river and swam
too soon the water would turn cold and i would find myself drowning with fish in my eyes and no light inside
he would leave me. desperate for magic i would fall for a amateur magician who had once tried to seduce me.
we would live together and i would quickly find that the doves were in fact crows and the light box held a terrible secret of shadows from the cosmos and too many spells layered
in typography met sacred geometry had frozen him too long to praise the sun, i would meet snake in pineal gland and pull him out to find lotus crown above my head. i would leave him.
with the help of angels and friends because dark energy is sticky and requires regular work with salt water to rid yourself of it.
i would sit with myself, soul broken in fetus of the womb i had never found my way out of, cough and choke on the fluid of the mother and reject water.
i would tend to my own spine softly in time and crawl out of the wells i had fallen into hoping to find wellness.
there was care taken to not trigger nerves that would send synapses of light to the dark corners of my mind where i had tried to grow roses in the mouths of the men where love had blossomed.
i would bite down on thorns and watch blood petal on paper, marvel at how beautiful pain could sound if it’s voice was carried by the suns rays. i would make a home out of my body.
dust out the cobwebs that would appear on lonely nights when spiders had made their way down my throat and nested in my heart. i would find love again.
i would love a man with the brightest aura and softest smile. his eyes would be kind and he would pick a chrysocolla intuitively for our first meeting.
his skin would glitter with the light of his mothers energy and nature would celebrate our journey. God is with us, running with light. a message said each time he spoke his name.
i would listen closely to the sound of his heart at night and hear the pulse of the universe echo back. thank you, i would whisper. i have made a promise to never stop falling for myself.
the love found in others will always come with the most wonderful music but only when the music stops.
only in the silence of solitude will you hear the love within and it will echo back, thank you for stopping by.