Is it obvious which one I choose?I have to explain this to you. And it has to make sense.
Pen and paper can’t articulate my thoughts as quickly as they should no matter how much I would like them to.
I can’t get to the place in my life that I want to be at the same way other people have.
I have not been raised in the dream family of dysfunctional support that always comes back together after it has fallen apart.
There was no loving pressure to go to the familiar world of college and gain the achievements that have become more family history than anything else.
I rolled into the world of academics as a survivor. I worked through trials and unsung songs of woe that most people won’t see in their lifetime.
I didn’t become an educated person in the traditional way of the american teenager, so why would it be logical and easy for me to enter the higher level world the way they do.
I was not bred to to take the steps of a world that was planned out for me since the day I could walk, I was born to die.
Each day is an act of blatant defiance against the people who swore I couldn’t make it this long. To many I am a victim with numbered days.
The nuances of college and test scores and stable careers were not built for the outcasts and the different,
they were designed for the young men and women who were cut out of a familiar cloth. I don’t think it has ever occurred to me how much I try to do the things that they do.
I make their grades and play their games of favoritism and parental involvement.
There are occasions when the idea that this is the only time when interesting and colorful things will happen in my life has floated through my mind harmlessly before.
I know all of this is not for me and yet I keep doing it anyways. Why? Because it’s easy. There is less fear if you protect yourself with someone else’s idea of perfection.
You will always have a place in the world if you can check off the boxes. It is when you allow life to see your skills and true passions that it can really have at you.
If you give the world your ideas and your creativity it can move you to places in the world you never thought you would be the one to see, good and bad. The goal, then, is to let go of fear.
If you are going to make it then you have to stand firm in what you are giving away.
You have to accept that if you don’t make it to somewhere great the truly great things in life like love and happiness will always be waiting at your bedside for you to embrace them
and make them into your own. You have to trust the fact that you can do good wherever you go and that there will always be a next step that may or may not be by your own choice.
You have to be comfortable with genuinely living as opposed to just waking up and moving through the routine of breathing every day.