This post is purely out of a desire to take my mind off the pain.
Holy Jesus Lord.
So you know the drill. Got out of bed in the middle of the night, gotta drain the little u/Trussed_Up, gotta wet my thirst.
I usually keep a glass beside my bed to drink from whenever I wake up. Was carrying that back to my bed when **FUCKING WHAM**. I slip like a bender's first time on ice.
First thing I think of was "oh fucking shit, my favourite nightglass just smashed on the ground and now I'm covered in glass.
Second thought was "OH FUCKING SHIT, THAT'S NOT WHERE MY KNEE IS SUPPOSED TO BE".
I looked at my own leg in the dark of the 3:30 am Canadian morning.
My kneecap was completely backwards. It was, to the letter of the goddamn word so I better not hear about it, **LITERALLY** BACKWARDS.
My kneecap was underneath my knee.
Now I ain't no pansy, so I took one look at it and threw up.
Then I lay there for probably 1 or 2 *minutes* contemplating how much I loved baby Jesus.
Since there was nothing for it, I did the most insane thing I've ever done, and in one motion, grabbed my own kneecap, straightened out my knee, and shoved that motherfucker back in place....
Except I missed apparently. And it went over to the other side of my knee. Cue baby Jesus again.
Now I've played enough hockey to know that sonofabitch needs to be in the right spot before you move.
So I grabbed it, praying like father Dennis would be proud, and put it back in place with both hands.
The first thing your mind goes to is this. https://youtu.be/-kcOpyM9cBg?t=440
The second thing is HOLY FUCK I HOPE THAT'S NOT GONNA AFFECT MY LIFE
Couldn't really move. Called my clinic since I didn't want to jam up 911, and now I'm writing this to take my mind off it while I wait.
TLDR: When you're 99% asleep and draining the dragon, use the 1% brainpower to WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING
**The post clinic EDIT:** Well that was painful as fuck. The waiting that is. 4 hours or so. The knee hurt too, but oddly not nearly as much as you would expect.
As long as there's zero weight on it, it's really not the most painful injury I've had. Any weight makes me want to yell though, so definitely keeping off it.
The doctor was surprised to find in the x-rays that I don't seem to have any bone damage.
He was *not surprised* to find I likely have fairly extensive muscle and tendon damage (hard to tell with the swelling).
I got a loose brace, a whack of painkiller/anti-inflamatory pills, crutches, a new ice-pack wrap thing, and a whole bunch of physio to go to.
All because chamberpots went out of style.