It's been a long time since I've been laid. Like, going on 12 months. Lots of overtime, not much money, depression, excuses yadda-yadda-yadda.
So I decide that I need to end the drought by any means neccesary.
After some escort browsing (which is a lot like looking through a catalogue, turns out), I pick one that does outcalls. I spend the next few hours cleaning up, and start messaging.
I put down a fake name and use a throwaway email generator. I use the name Dan.
Turns out Dan is also my upstairs neighbour's name.
I give specific instructions to text me when she gets here, and to go to the side door. I hear a lot of door bells and people arriving, turns out the folks upstairs are having a party.
Then I hear a lot of confused talking. Then shouting. Turns out the escort slipped in with them and was trying to flirt with Dan. Unlike me who was slipping into absolutely nothing.
TL;DR Can't even get laid by paying for it. Accidentally sent an escort to a married man's dinner party.