This just happened a few minutes ago and my legs should be renamed Pompei.
Im visiting Northern Thailand, and my resort courtesy shuttle driver had to pee, so he pulled over, and since I needed to go too, i got out as well. Thats where it all went wrong.
The driver pulled over near a canal, and i jump out of the van and go down to the waters edge thinking I would be out of oncoming drivers eyes and turn my body so the driver cant see me either,
since hes doing his thing about 15 feet from me. I pull out Lil' Wang and start to flow...it was glorious...then I feel some movement on the hairs of my legs, so i look down expecting to see mosquitoes....nope.
I had just waddled into the largest ant colony I had ever seen.
Within the maybe 5 seconds I had been standing there, these fucking monsterous fire breathers had already covered my legs to the point i could barely see my ankles.
I immediately start to jump up and down on alternating legs while I'm swatting at both ants and mosquitoes with my one free hand.
I eventually let go of my dignity and use both hands to scrape the layers of biting ants off my legs while unsuccessfully ceasing the golden flow.
The van driver is laughing his ass off as im hopping up and down and halfassed running up the hill without pulling up my pants screaming "oww oww oww ants fucking ants!!"
To add insult to injury, my lovely fiancee is in the van scolding me from afar telling me i should have known better and that i shouldn't be waving that thing everywhere.
Im back in the van now, covered in my own urine, and my legs are on fire. Every few seconds it feels like im being bitten again randomly on my feet.
TLDR: jumped out of a van to pee, stood in a fire ant nest and gave myself a golden shower...
Edit: Wow this blew up...front page even. Thank you Reddit for the love.