The Problem with Thermoses
The Problem with Thermoses text-post stories
  0
  •  
  0
  •   0 comments
Share

anon
anonAnonymously Published Stories
Autoplay OFF  •  8 months ago
Drinking coffee from a thermos, even at the smallest increments humanly possible, is like drinking the surface of the sun. It leaves the tongue riddled with tiny blisters, and the scaled section of the pallet shrivels up and dies.  This wasn’t the dream.
By lethargic-leopard-seal https://lethargic-leopard...

The Problem with Thermoses

by lethargic-leopard-seal

Drinking coffee from a thermos, even at the smallest increments humanly possible, is like drinking the surface of the sun.

It leaves the tongue riddled with tiny blisters, and the scaled section of the pallet shrivels up and dies.  This wasn’t the dream.

The expectation was that the thermos would keep its contents at the same temperature that they were in the thing they came from, but now nothing will taste as good for the rest of the day,

and the mouth will remain slightly sore.

That thermos was the last bastion of the warmth of home, and instead of comfort, it concentrates everything into a single point with which it will eviscerate your mouth with.

What sort of world is this where we can’t even trust the humble thermos to be there for us?  To provide us our favorite coffee at the temperature we desire?

Not a world that that engineers care to change from my research.  Scientists across the land are willing to just go all Occam’s razor on humanity and suggest that people just unscrew the lid.

What kind of solution is that?  It’s such a practical solution, so European.  We’re not European.  We can’t just be happy with our lot in life using our brains to take care of minor inconveniences.

We’re not a tightly knit collective who appreciates our newfound freedom after thousands of years of kings and queens.  We were born free.

we were born wanting!  And I want a gimmicky solution to the coffee-flavored hellfire I expose my tongue to every day!

I want some crazy three-tiered system of apertures that dilates to the size of a coffee mug hole.

I want engineers to cry blood trying to design a functional aperture system that not only completely seals itself, but opens enough to provide a perfect pour.

I want the surface coffee to enough to enjoy it, but not so much that I can’t drink it quickly.

I want physicists to do a bunch of equations with Greek letters to describe why this super mega mug is better than your shitty regular mug.

It doesn’t even have to be the math that describes how mugs work.

I just want math stuff that only other physicists will see, and think, “That’s not even the right equation you hack!

”Not only is that the American dream, it’s going to save coffee drinkers everywhere from a couple of hours of mild discomfort,

and it’ll be a really stupid nostalgic holdover we’ll think fondly of, 20 years after it’s made.

Stories We Think You'll Love
COMMENTS (0)
SHOUTOUTS (0)