"Don't go", I said, hoping with all my being that you would stay.
I thought to myself at that moment, who will hold me when I am scared, who will tell me they will have faith in me when no one else will, who will make me smile in my sorrow.
Even at that moment though, I knew, you would go. You had been with me always, every day of my life, to laugh and play and talk and do a thousand other things. We were inseparable in life.
On the other hand, when my day was dark, you would be nowhere to be found, but you were there again when my day was bright.
I would tell myself that all was good, and pretend that I wasn't drowning, and I was happy with you on all the days you would stay.
It was not the darkness within me that broke the illusion though, it was the day when I collapsed on my way home, and they took me to the hospital.
You came over to visit the next day, and we laughed and you said you would come again soon. The next time you came though, they had given me the news, This bed was my tomb, I would die here.
When you came and I told you, I could see that look in your eyes, the look you had when I had my dark days, and I knew, so I told you to stay,
but you kept walking away telling me you would be back, and while I thought all those thoughts about who would be there when you were gone, I knew that you were never coming back,
for there were no happy days to come again, there was no recovery from this.
In that moment I knew the answer to all the questions that came to my mind, the great illusion was shattered, the answer was nobody, there was never anyone there.