Trying to find a positive in this situation. The whole thing really just sucks.
Falling for a friend, believing they felt the same about you, getting rejected and having to live through that on a daily basis. I can’t tell you the horror that my life has become.
But when I think about it, my relationship or lack thereof, with you has taught me more than years of dating.
I learned what really matters to me in relationships. I developed a better understanding of my own needs and how to acknowledge when they’re not being met.
I learned how dating a coworker is a mistake that only needs to be made once.
I confirmed how important it is for my partner to be able to hold a good convo. And that I can be attracted to anyone if you stimulate my mind.
Speaking of attraction, I confirmed that I’m attracted to professionals with a wild side. And beards. (My honey had a part in that too). A scruffy beard and a collared shirt and tie… I’m in heaven.
And I also learned how much I love being eye candy. I love being watched and seeing the look on a man’s face when he’s thinking about what he wants to do to me.
I like being noticed, even if it’s just the addition of eye shadow or mentioning how you saw me. It feels great to be noticed.
I now know that the most important relationship i can have is a friendship first. A real friend I can talk to about anything. All relationships should be built up from there.
From this relationship, I can honestly say sometimes the feeling is there but the other circumstances are not. And that’s no one’s fault. But it still hurts like hell.
I could also say that it’s possible you both are hurting, but that still doesn’t mean you’ll end up together. Older isn’t always better. Maturity comes with experience, not age.
I’ve experienced my share of heartbreak, so I work hard not to hurt others. But through your rejection I learned not everyone has that ability.
I know you know how I feel, we’ve talked about it. I feel like you do nothing, i get mad and i know that’s not true. You express your feelings too. They’re just not the same as mine.
You’ll initiate convo, which tells me you’re interested in talkin and you were thinking about me. But at the end of the day, even tho it’s a start, it’s not enough to keep us a thing.
That part I’m learning to be ok with. What I’m also learning to be ok with is knowing love takes effort. Every day. Not every other day. Not next month or next quarter. But every day.
By your inability to do this I was able to set standards for myself and how I’ll gauge future relationships and men in my life.
I said all this to say the bright side of all this I’ve been dealing with. And i just wanted to say thank you, it’s been very educational.