Selected reviews of the city's hottest new restaurant, The Teratoma Lounge
Selected reviews of the city's hottest new restaurant, The Teratoma Lounge stories

anon Stories From Unregistered Users
Autoplay OFF   •   3 years ago
Username: patrickpratt76 Rating: ✰✰✰✰
By cold__cocoon

Selected reviews of the city's hottest new restaurant, The Teratoma Lounge

by cold__cocoon

Username: patrickpratt76

Rating: ✰✰✰✰

Comments: Took a high-profile client here for lunch. We’d both heard of its popularity, and were lucky to get a table. Lots of locals.

Food was outstanding, even though initially they got mine wrong.

When I called out, "Waiter! There's a human fetus in my soup!" our waiter apologized and quickly brought me the bowl of baby teeth and wild mushroom carbonera I’d ordered.

However, I saw him later, standing in the kitchen, slurping the fetus out of the tepid soup like a vulture eviscerating a dying horse. Very unprofessional. Deducting a star because of that.

Great experience otherwise. Can’t wait to try the pimento-stuffed eyeballs next time.


Username: 3kids2dogs

Rating: ✰

Comments: i brought my granchildren here. waitriss kept making jokes about eating the kids.owner wouldnt stop staring at them. PLACENTA CAKE (???) was underbaked and sticky.

ruined grandaughters birthday. never coming back TOO EXPENSIVE!!!


Username: godisgreat88

Rating: ✰✰

Comments: My husband I are always excited to try new locally-owned restaurants.

When we heard about The Teratoma Lounge serving surplus human meat, we thought it was admirable that a business was being eco-friendly by harvesting corpses left over after the bombing!

We think it’s irresponsible and wasteful to be eating animals in wartime when there’s plenty of unused protein going to waste,

especially with all those unsightly bodies piling up at the desert’s edge. Eat fresh and local, we believe!

However, this restaurant has taken an ingenious concept, and produced something lackluster and uninspired.

Our appetizer platter of panko-breaded tongue kebabs were delicious (*the snack that tastes you back!* our waiter joked).

But my husband’s dish, a still-beating heart in earwax gremolata sauce, was a major letdown, as it stopped throbbing before he finished. He was so disappointed.

Additionally, my knuckle sandwich on an artisanal crisped-epidermis roll with sweet marrow aioli was too soggy to convince me there were authentic knuckle bones in there. Not worth $75.

Overall, a good vibe, but unfortunately the execution needs some work.


Username: ilovethemoon1969

Rating: ✰✰✰

Comments: Decent food, but the owner is a little weird. Seems to have too many teeth for his mouth, and his knees bend backward when he walks, joints creaking like the croaking of a toad.

He was very attentive and welcoming, though!

He brought us a complimentary dessert of crunchy caramelized toenails,

a delectable surprise after our (somewhat ho-hum) meal of soft umbilical cord noodles with steamed quinoa and blackened lung vinaigrette.


Username: stopwarsCCC

Rating: ✰✰✰

Comments: Drove over from California on my solo road trip to view the bomb’s fallout.

Although the food is innovative and enjoyable, I’m not sure how I feel about the wealthy eating the putrefying remains of millions of dead peasants.

It just feels a little callous, no matter how trendy and pleasingly presented the dishes are.

But--I must admit that the bar is a *very* relaxing place to people-watch. Drinks were worth the trip itself. Highly recommend the Bloody Mary.

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