As my author’s comments on the last part of my story got longer than the part itself, I thought I’d continue here, like this.I have another disappointment for my readers ‒ well ‒ reader.
I’m quitting smut writing for now. The sexual stories were a way for me to get over my fear of writing from the start.
No offense to smut writers, I think we need like, serious literary novels or at least popular sex novels that treat sex like a normal thing, and a thing you can get better at and so on and so forth.
Instead of this “it’s okay to show violence, but not sex” first world culture we have now.
People sometimes ask “It doesn’t make sense! Why censor one thing so much, and not the other?
!” I think I just realized why, as I was typing this: Not many people deal in violence, it’s okay to do something if it’s not on their turf.
On the other hand, sex is everyone’s turf, and no-one likes to be criticized.
But we need criticism to get better, lest we end up as those overgrown children who say “Well, the sex wasn’t that good with that person, so I dumped that person”,
without even trying to get better at it, or learn yourself and your partner.
Someone told me that, and it triggered me more than anything people around here put or demand trigger warnings for.
Sex also lucked out because our historical (read: religious) heritage too, though my hypothesis might explain that also.Digression aside, as I was saying.
No offense to smut writers, but I always felt there’s less pressure to write good in smut than for a scifi short story, or a slice-of-life novel.
And it can be even shorter than a short story, so there’s less commitment (not because there’s less commitment in porn writing, but that I’m an irresponsible, unmotivated,
scared piece of shit that was looking for the shortest possible form of writing without going into poetry to start and build from there).
Plus, it’s interesting, I’m interested in the whole genre to some extent, I’ve read porn CHYOAs, some literotica stuff too,
like my incest porn with a bit more story and build up (but not too much), as can be seen from my posts. Actually, it’s not the length, I’m also impatient, I just want tension quickly.
Another reason I did this was to find roleplay partners.
I played a couple of times, but for one, I had problems with wanting things to go my way, but being pretty timid at the same time, so I couldn’t really articulate what I wanted.
Plus, I’m really fucking socially awkward, even online.
Fuck, I feel like I can’t even talk heart to heart with my best friends even when I’m drunk (whether it’s just tipsy or pass out or anything in between),
and I don’t feel it’s because they’re bad friends or wouldn’t understand me.
Aaanyway, now that I’ve finished this, I want to try again to focus on writing down something that’s in my mind for a while (I’m 99% sure I’m not going to make a story out of it, but I have,
like, a really interesting backstory I want to write down) and then try to work on my roleplay story/campaign (like D&D, but not D&D).
And maybe work on a short story that’s been going on in my head. When I finish at least something of that, I might return to write another sex story.
I feel like there’s room for improvement in smut writing and that I have something to contribute, plus I always wanted to write a more non-con-ish story, well, still dubcon,
and essentially consensual, but more non-consensual on the surface and with a more dominant character.
Even when I wrote “dominant” characters in the past, they ended up pretty cuddly in the end, imo.
And I never want to segue into rape (I think), I want my characters to be loving or at least not wanting to hurt their partners (unless it’s part of the arousal, you know,
like scratching for people who’re into that).I’m trying to be more assertive through my characters I guess.
I want them to be… hot in their dom-ness, not just in their loving way of making sex, I guess.P.S. I’ll still link good incest shit I find online, so you have that to look forward to at least ^^;