It has recently come to my attention that I have been negligent in areas of etiquette. Particularly in the composition and dissemination of letters of thanks.
Therefore, without further delay, allow me to express my gratitude.
Thank you for the package containing the toy clown’s head and parking meter faceplate. I found the clown head to be unique, with its interesting paint job and crown of animal fur.
The faceplate is certainly something that I was lacking. I found it all the more interesting given that it evidently came from the street in front of my apartment.
Thank you for the package containing seventeen live roaches. Though I’ll admit to something of a shock upon opening the box, my cat did enjoy the subsequent hunt.
Thank you for the envelope containing photographs of myself in various state of undress.
It called to my attention the poor state of my bedroom curtains, and ultimately allowed me to splurge on a new set.
Thank you for the package containing my cat’s paws and tail. It was certainly unexpected, but I am grateful to you for demonstrating the frailty of life.
Thank you for the package containing the bloody police badge and lock of hair. It was quite unfair of me to involve the local authorities, when all you are doing is sending me gifts.
I understand that now, and I appreciate the thought.
Finally, thank you for your letter today. Had you not sent it, I would not have seen my ungrateful behavior for what it was. Etiquette is important, and I would be remiss for not adhering to it.
Yours in sincerest gratitude,