My Non-Relationship
My Non-Relationship unrequited love stories
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Autoplay OFF  •  a year ago
How do you crawl out when you've already fallen so deep

My Non-Relationship

M.D.

At this point, I know exactly what's upsetting me, but I keep refusing to do anything that can actually fix it. Every time I feel inadequate. Why am I not good enough?

Being constantly told i'm not as smart as him and he's been with far more attractive people is like a knife to my chest. It tightens and i can't breathe. My heart drops into my stomach.

He doesn't love me. I know he never will, yet I always think I can change it. Why do I allow myself to feel this terrible about myself?

To know that there had been something that drew him to me, yet there are things he wants that I don't have. I'm not pretty enough, my body isn't perfect. The fact that there are things I need and want from him, yet he doesn't care.

Constantly threatened to be kicked out because of mistakes...only for him to forget and be back to normal an hour later. Forced out of my apartment because he refuses to add my name to the lease. to be kicked out because ANOTHER GIRL is coming over...

...oddly enough she was a sorority sister that I became friends with our freshman year...he doesn't tell her about me or that we live together. But I need a different place to stay because I'm a secret.

So. Why do I stay? Because the good times can be really fun...

He can be kind when he wants to be. He has been there when I'd had no one and my family was being difficult. He would listen. There have times when we would have days on end where things just felt RIGHT, and I had no stress, my anxiety was low, and like my depression was finally under control...

But...the bad days are what make me question it all. It leaves me asking myself: Why? But more importantly...

What do I do now?

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