Staring at a page, my cup’s half-imbibed.
Too timid to scrawl scathing scratches inside,
used to the wry itch my tongue and teeth slide,
embarked on words that’d seem wasteful to provide,
all the notes I left swirling, embers that expired
Proverbial drops in the bucket
because my tepid mind throws the pen and says, "fuck it."
Have a lark. Have a heart.
I've only got a swiveling chair in the dark.
I try to fix the world from a dim little cave
and my efforts are all bitterly made.
I've got no power,
no calmness to speak,
no resolve here to leave,
so render this deep:
I am irrelevant in the scheme of a dream.
I am a current that ebbs in the stream.
I am a worry that wrinkles your face,
a smile line, a crow's foot, which you wear in grace.
I lift you up in exaltation behind harshly whispered stretches,
I find beauty where you only see wretches.
Try to point out that you are worth so much more,
But what do I have to put myself down to do that for?
Do I believe it's the easiest way to get my point across?
Would the impact be lesser if I left out the lost?
I'm sorry to question and pry and intrude
but this is a lesson that’s too important to elude.
I denied your inquisition and barbs were shown the door.
Easier access was given to songs I wanted more.
I sing them to replace everything I'm aching.
Everything you remind me of,
The mistakes - to this day- I'm still making.
Moving forward is haltingly done.
Both, in that I don't want it sometimes
and I think it's no fun.
But it is the only way out of this conundrum.
It's never been your fault
It was never your crime
I stacked the deck before I ever called you mine.
I’ll let the friendship end, it’s dragged on too long
Both of us pointing fingers at every wrong
I wish it weren't like this
but, ***fuck me***, I guess.