I was on my second year when I had a crush on someone who was a year older than me but then, he was actually in a relationship with my senior. I tried so hard to conceal my feelings since I do not want to ruin their relationship.
I was so hurt seeing them happy and in love. I know I do not have the right to feel jealous but somehow I wished I was her. The woman he loves and the woman he can't live without.
He knew that I liked him but nothing changed because he was so in love and I also do not want to break other people's relationship. I chose to walk away.
I knew he really was not the one for me so I had to keep my distance. A year passed by, I got over him and here's this guy that kept flattering my heart.
He's my classmate. He's fun to be with and he has this charm that girls would go swooning over him. We became very close and I didn't realize that I actually liked him if not because of my friends teasing me that we actually look good together.
One day, I found myself writing poems about him and all his love affairs. I never expected I'd feel this feeling all over again but this time, I thought I had a chance for love. That maybe, just maybe, he's actually my "the one".
But I guess, love really is playful. I heard that he liked someone that confessed to him. My world got shattered. I tried to hide and stop these feelings I have for him but I just can't and every time I try to, he always does things that makes me fall for him even more.
For a number of school presentations, he chose me as his partner. He still doesn't have a special someone and I already had a crush on him for a year. The hope in my heart that maybe we felt the same just grows everyday.
I wrote a poem once again, and this poem reached to him. He talked to me and he said that he wasn't ready for serious relationships and that he still wants to focus on his career. Of course, I'm not that desperate for his love and I didn't want to push myself to a man so, I accepted the reality.
I tried, yes I tried to forget him and I even reached to the point where I wouldn't talk to him but he doesn't really get off my system. Until I reached to the point of forcing myself to like someone else just so I could forget him.
Another year passed by, I realized, he's still the one that's inside my heart. I accepted that fact but then, another girl confessed to him and he rejected her just as how he rejected me. I felt a pang of hope but I was wrong.
This girl's determinations is at it's peak. She's possessive and obsessive and the next thing I knew, they're already a couple
Writing this, I often ask what she had that I didn't have? What did she do that I was not able to do? Why was I not able to have him? Why can't he see my worth? Why can't he love me?
Now, I realize that we shouldn't look for love. We just have to wait for me. All my heartaches and pains taught me to love myself first before I'll go on loving someone else. Loving myself, I would know my worth and that I shouldn't go on chasing a man who can't see my importance.
I'm tired and broken. I have to fix myself and face the world. And maybe. right now's still not the best time for love. I just hope he's happy with the love he chose and may they stay longer that we can expect.