I dont know these numbers anymore.
Recently I…broke down. And basically had to give up everything, everything my “mask” has connected to. Give up being a developer for several games.
I’d had this mask for nearly a year now. I dont know how i did it but…it just worked.
Being traumatized, and scared from what has happened to me in the past made me create this mask just to hide it all the way.
Im one of those people who, nearly died (twice), who couldnt do anything as he saw his own mother and little sister being beaten by a step father, and couldn’t had the courage to ask someone out.
But these just struck in my head for so long it just made something in my head build up a “mask”.
Eventually making myself be a dev at places, just so i could be happy with myself and have others see that im worth being around.
I know i shouldn’t have done that at all but my fear just takes over, fear is the biggest thing in my head. Fear of being forgotten.
Builded up this fear through my schooling, when i was bullied, when i was nearly killed, when i was always secluded to my race (Hispanic).
Anyways, im changing now. A…friend…now i guess, is helping me change.
I dont know why he is even though i hurt him too but…in me, i know hes putting faith in me and know i can be a better person. Know just to be myself, that people would see the real me.
The funny, sad, enthusiastic, creative artist, creative writer guy I am.
Some people call me that person that youll meet once in a life time, not to what i do, but do to how i am emotionally. Been through a lot of shit and knows how to deal with it.
Thats who i am, and ill show that instead of the mask now
Im tired of pretending who i am not just to satisfy everyone.
I want to be happy too with who i am.
A student in college currently going for a Ph.D. degree
A freelance writer and editor for specific people (not allowed to say under contract)
A nerd who loves video games, music and film.
I know you may doubt me after what you hear and/or saw, but this is what i believe in now. I’ll change for the best of myself…and…for my family.
In time i will…post about the family abuse….thats what…..took a hit on me and… traumatized me greatly….forever burned in my memories…