It’s hard, it’s excruciatingly hard. I stay home every day, like nothing, like I am nothing at all to anyone or anything. It’s hard.
Listening to everyone else when they never listen to you is irritating. Following everyone’s orders like a dog was how I was raised and how I am treated, I stand up for myself, but when you were abused in the past it’s hard cause you’re too weak to have no way out of it.
When your parents don’t listen to you or your loneliness, who do you have to lean on since they are supposed to be the ones you lean on when you have no one else? So I sit there, waiting and waiting; falling and drowning.
I want help, I want a lot of help but it’s not easy when you don’t have anyone to lean on even though they say you do, you feel you can’t say anything cause you’re afraid, afraid of showing your weaknesses, afraid of losing them like you lost everyone else, afraid of getting hurt, you’re afraid because they won’t understand at all even if they think they do.
Everyone has their own problems, I help with everyone’s problems but never ever do they think that I have problems when I put on my mask.
I fall, I have been falling, I fell and I cannot get up. People come to you for help when you can’t even help yourself cause you’ve been hurt, you’ve been hurt for a long time with no one to lean on.
You lost the only one you leaned on cause they got tired of you leaning on them, so it’s only natural to feel like you’re alone right? Like you have no one to lean on anymore, when you CAN’T lean on anyone anymore.
You’re not fine and you know it, no matter how many times you repeat those words to people, you wish someone could see through your words without bringing their problems into the equation for once. I’m lonely, I’m tired, so tired. Why isn’t there anyone to help me?
It hurts when no one understands you, when no one even tries to understand you. They think they do, but they only understand the surface, not under the tip of the iceberg, no one will ever understand you and your emotions.
Congratulations to the person that left me when I only leaned on them, your free from your “burden” now aren’t you? You’re happy with the new people by your side that don’t feel the way I did towards you, that won’t do the things I would for you, not even learn a new language for you.
You sleep like a baby at night while it’s hard for me to sleep while I have nightmares about losing loved ones (thanks to you), being alone (thanks to you), and wanting to die (thanks to you). I get traumatized every night with those dreams so tell me, are you happy about what you have done?
To create a person that ended up drowning so much from the action that they broke themselves? Please everyone, leave me alone.
Although I don’t want to be lonely, it feels even more lonely to have people that don’t understand you around, please leave me alone, don’t tell me what to do like I’m a dog anymore, unless you can see and deal with what’s inside my head, please leave.
Don’t try if you think you can’t or can, just don’t, I already like many others on this Earth, do not want to exist anymore, I like many others on this Earth, lost the will to live but is too scared to go to the unknown cause of their religions and beliefs.
What’s wrong with me? Becoming so lonely for one person, becoming so low and broken for one person, am I really that weak? Or did I just love the wrong person way too much?
You must’ve forgotten about me by now, you probably never even think of me anymore, while I still think of you every day but try not to show it or tell you.
It is never shameful to be in love with someone but yet, I feel shamed just for loving you because I know you’ll shame me, you’ll think I’m a creep.
When can everything just stop? Is to sleep the only answer? Why can’t I just have someone to lean on like everyone else? Why can’t I be happy from watching happy movies? Instead it makes me sad to see others so happy when I can’t be happy.
Please help me, but I don’t want anyone to get close to me again, I can’t get close to anyone again, why am I so useless? Why wasn’t my all enough to make you happy like how you made me happy?
I’m sorry. As I look at the sky, I realize how small and meaningless my life is/was. I’m lonely. And I’m so tired.