Why. Why the fuck do I find it so difficult? It seems like no matter how hard I try, or whatever I do I just can't get over you. Can you give me a reason why? Anything at all? Because I'm exhausted.
Depressed beyond belief, and spiteful of everything. You know you took all of my happiness with you and tore it up in my face.
Completely dropped me out of your life for what? Because you want to live in California? You were upset about living with your parents!? You couldn't make yourself happy!??
We had happiness! We planned our future! Everything was set for us and we were so happy and ready to start our lives and get married!
YOU INSTEAD SHIT ON MY FACE AND DECIDED THAT YOU WANTED TO GO TO CALIFORNIA AND START ANEW!! Was I ever anything to you? Did you love me? Or do you still?
Those texts I saved, about wanting a family, your dreams, even about how our relationship is amazing. Was it all a lie? Did you really care? I put in my heart and soul into us.
Why wasn't that enough? Is there a real reason on to why you left me in the dark and avoided giving me closure? I want to hate you. I want to look at these pictures of you and us and throw up.
I want to think about you, your smile, body, eyes, and just all of your gorgeous, petite self and go into a raging fury that makes me want to lose it.
But instead I see a picture of us and I tear up and smile about the good times. I read our old texts and feel all the butterflies and nervousness all over again. I think about your smell. Look.
Body. That annoyingly cute laugh you have when your lying down. How soft your skin is. That cute mole on your back. Even your feet I give foot rubbins. I'd do it all over again. I miss you.
I love you. If we only were still together. I hope you find somebody that loves you just as much as I if I'm not enough for you. But let's cross our fingers for us. Ok? But you know what.
I can't trust you. Who says all those things, makes plans for a future. Then just throws it all away. Takes it back to do something so selfish? I can't. You destroyed me.
I'm fucked up and have all kinds of trust issues and depression. You're a bad person. I'm a bad person. You fucked me over. Your fucked. I don't hate you.
But I don't like the person you've become.