You must understand, this job was never my first choice.
I wasn't sitting in elementary school thinking "I wanna be a bus driver!" while everyone else chose astronauts, football players, singers, or dinosaurs.
But sometimes life pushes you in a certain direction and you wind up exactly where you ought to be.
I love kids. No, not in that way, you sicko. I was in an accident years ago that left me with remarkably functional, yet entirely mutilated... well, suffice to say, I can't have kids of my own.
And when you can't have something, you just want it more.
The story of how I discovered this career path is a long and boring one, but I'm glad things lined up the way they did.
I love seeing each kid's smile as they eagerly run down their driveway, backpack slapping back and forth behind them, before gingerly taking steps up the stairs.
Being the kindhearted person I am, I have a bowl of snacks that most kids take from before sitting down.
It's an assortment of chocolate cookies, salamis, and cheeses (sweet and savory, can't cater to just one palate), and while there are a few children who think they taste funny,
I'm not claiming to be anywhere close to a decent chef. But I do try.
Then there are the kids who trudge along a bit more slowly. No smile. Children with souls that have been beaten out of them.
Sunken eyes, neutral expression, wondering why their parents ever bothered. Why they even exist. It pains me to my very core.
And I simply can't let it slide.
See, my first choice career was an assassin. I enjoyed the thrill of the hunt as a child, and felt an insatiable need to end the lives of those who did not deserve to live. Those that hurt others.
And I had a knack for channeling that brimming rage into precision. Care. *Catharsis*.
Granted, at the time my hunts were limited to mean pets. Over time, I perfected my skills.
Unfortunately, I've always been kind of a chunky individual, so the whole assassin-for-hire thing was right out. Which brings me to how perfectly my job and my hobby align.
I find all sorts of crooked morals in the parents of the sunken children. And I am all too keen on removing these parents from their kids' innocent lives, from existence.
The smiles on the faces of the freed children warms the remainder of my soul, and it makes life worth living.
Oh, and body disposal is a breeze. You know the saying.
Kids will eat *anything* with chocolate or cheese!