I can still remember that morning. The screeching of tires, the painful crash, and the screams of horror coming from every direction.
The blinding lights at the hospital, the stares of people that made me feel utterly low. I had trouble adjusting. Phantom limb syndrome, that's what the doctors called it. It felt so real.
I would position my shoulders as if I was holding down a piece of paper only to realize I didn't have it.
Countless times I would hold my phone with both hands but it was too late after I had dropped it. I couldn't help but notice the awkward stares either.
I often wondered why it had to happen to me. Why was I chosen to be the one? I still don't know.
But not everything was lost. It was this that found me my soulmate. His name was Alexis. He was all I could've ever asked for. He understood my pain and shared it.
He helped me out with a lot of the things I couldn't do alone. He was my left arm.
It was a very bright day when we married 4 years ago. Nothing could break our bond. We were officially together as we said "I do".
We had many fun memories together. I still have a vivid memory of the time us two went to Hawaii for our honeymoon. An entire week filled with joy and laughter.
He was an amateur bartender and I would be greeted every day as I came out of the shower with two shots of cocktail.
Chatting about our future as we sipped the cocktail let us forget everything except us two.
Or the time we went to Paris for out first wedding aniversary. We spent most of the daylight sightseeing.
As evening neared we would find ourselves on the Champs-Elysees, walking down the beautiful avenue surrounded by chestnut trees.
We had a bright future ahead of us, him as the CEO of a small tech company he co-founded with 2 of his college friends, and me as a voice actor. We bought our own apartment in the bay area.
Nothing could possibly go wrong.
Or so I though. But that completely changed exactly one year ago, today. I was having my morning coffee while reading some of my friends' Facebook posts as I didn't have to go to work that day.
Then my phone rang. The call that would forever pain me. My heart sank as I received a call from the police.
My husband was severely injured in a pileup accident that happened this morning on Interstate 5. Suddenly my nightmares became alive. I had to go check on him. I had to.
It wasn't a pretty sight. 13 cars in total stuck to the frame of each other. I knew my he was at the hospital. The scene made me nearly vomit and I left to see my one and only Alexis.
But things quickly went downhill. When I arrived at the ER, he was already in the operating room.
I learned that his ribs were shattered from the impact and as a result one of his lungs were punctured and had suffered a concussion.
I prayed and prayed outside of the room for what seemed like days.
When the head surgeon came out, I looked up and instantly understood what his face meant. My husband didn't survive. No exchange of words was needed. I couldn't believe it.
I couldn't forgive myself for letting such a thing happen to him.
Mom and Dad, I am very sorry. I couldn't handle it. I coudln't go on. But don't worry about me. I will be free of my guilt, my pain. I will finally reunite with my Alexis and achieve our dreams.