Sometimes I feel like ending it. To just off myself. Im not sad, or depressed, or angry. Im not alone, or hurt, or bullied. I just get tired of living sometimes.
I stop and look around myself onky to see a dull grey world. Then everything I once liked and enjoyed so much, becomes tasteless, and I see everything in a darker passion.
I just get bored with life. I find myself reasoning out of suicide but keep coming to the conclusion that life is still pretty boring and dull.
And the worst part is, I look at it and say it is all useless. That life is just a joke.
I am a nihilist so my opinions stretch far into everything I do, and my thoughts surface into these feelings of uselessness. Its pointless. Life is pointless. There's no meaning.
The scariest part is its not like curing sadness. Its like trying to convince a devoted christian that there is no god. It is so rooted in me that its a boulder you cant move.
But then I remember my family. Not of blood, but of heart. The family I grew up with in highschool and most importantly my gf. I love them so much. I dont want to leave them.
But I am still unsure of an afterlife, and that /r/ShortSadStories is the biggest reason why I am not dead yet.... I am afraid of the nothing.