**Alabama**: The 96th president, Pyrope Vesuvian, was assembled in Alabama, the first president to be engineered from various body parts of previous presidents.
**Alaska**: The sun never rises in the winter because there is a giant standing in front of it. The giant is so tall that its head reaches into the stars.
It was the first to see the black ships that originated from those stars.
**Arizona**: The state reptile of Arizona is the Time-Traveling Basilisk Lizard.
They run so fast they arrive before they left! The army is using them to travel back in time and figure out where the war went wrong.
**California**: The highest point in the state is God’s Obsidian Watchtower, rising 440 feet above the ocean where California sank after the first weapon detonated.
**Delaware**: The first state admitted to the union. The first state to host an enemy ship. The first state to boldly kill that unearthly ambassador and declare war.
**Hawaii**: Did you know there are no snakes in Hawaii? They were all recruited by the army. All citizens must fight, even snakes.
Their armor is the eggshells of extinct birds; their spears are the severed stingers of deadly jellyfish.
**Idaho**: Has more ghost towns than any state. These towns are inhabited by a quarter million ghosts, who outnumber living residents 12 to 1.
**Kansas**: Contains the world’s largest grain elevator, where President Vesuvian hid the nuclear weapons that the invaders eventually used against us.
**Maine**: It is the closest state to Europe and Africa.
If you stand on the seashore and look east, you can see the two continents that accepted the offer of “peace” and “friendship”,
dooming themselves to the possibility of subjugation by these extraterrestrial foes. Only the United States had the courage to declare war. Stay far away from Maine.
**New Mexico**: This state is always on fire.
It was set aflame as a burnt offering to God, to purify the land, in hopes that one day He would accept the offering,
and would finally rise from his sanctified throne to bestow victory upon us. Amen.
**North Dakota**: This state’s wide-open prairies were transformed into the world’s largest children’s cemetery.
Instead of headstones, the tiny corpses are encased in amber, and line the lonely roads as a monument to what we have lost.
**Utah**: This state’s sparkling white salt flats provided bricks for the Holy Salt Temple, the safest place to be during an air strike.
The enemies are deathly afraid of salt and supermassive structures.
**Wyoming**: Did you know that Wyoming is the least densely populated state? That means more room to build a prison so large it can hold all citizens who oppose the war.
All Americans must support the war.
All Americans must fight the war; even *you*, little one! This is the **last remaining nation on Earth** to defy and resist the invaders’ impending takeover of the minds of humanity.
Dissenters are **indistinguishable** from those whose brains have been commandeered. **They must be imprisoned.**