“Welp. Shit.” Are the words that played into my head after watching the snap story play on July 3rd at 1:28 pm. “Where does that leave me?”, “I guess i was wrong.
”, and a favorite of mine now “I won’t think about it.”
I mean, why should I let his actions take affect on me?
Oh, that’s right, you see, when you care for someone, you attend to make a bridge of connection… we have thousands of apps to do this with, and yet, I can’t get a text back.
Offering some backstory, i an a 22 year old gay man (I’m actually bi, that’s for another story), I already had my share of “life experiences,” I know what I like in men,
and I know what I want in a relationship.
I lost my virginity to a guy when I was 19 at school, I have understood the functionality and manipulation that comes with Grindr, and as of recent, am stuck with an emotional dilemma.
Piling a sidebar to current news. I didn’t think over the past two days I’d see three different people who I had engaged with romantically at different stages of my life.
I saw my first ex last night. It was more so of a “I don’t anything to do/don’t give a damn” attitude. His family was in town and he invited me to the hotel where they are staying.
(Right, nothing sexual will happen)
To describe the moment when I saw him, my first reaction was “I dated this? Oh yes, I was very young and naive.” We end up getting some water and head out to a seating area by the pool.
We talk, exchange formalities, and continue to share what happened within our lives since we last seen each other. It’s 11:30pm when I see him.
While on the bench, i check my body language, I notice I’m oriented away from him. I attempt to stay neutral to not promote any assumptions. We continue to chat…
he tells me about friends he made at church, his new job with his mother at the family cake business, the games he is playing.
Edgar is his name, and he will be serving time for five months in two weeks for intoxicated manslaughter.
The case was the reason why we broke up in the first place, I was 19 then and didn’t know as much as I do now about compassion and communication. It’s 12:20am
His parents return back to the room they are staying to check up on him. He notions that he needs to head up soon.
We chat a little more about our relationship, what we disliked about one another and what liked what the other did at the time.
I told him I hated he was bad at league, he told me he hated my silent moments during conversations.
(I tend to just be silent while communicating to someone if I am in disagreement or trying to process things.) I laugh and jump and smile like I hadn’t in a while due to each other’s responses.
He begins the phrase: “You know, I don’t know when or if I’ll ever see you again.
I’ll be serving five months, and I’ll like to give you a topping experience because you always had the cock for it.” 12:31am
I shift my eyesight from him to whatever is in front of me. The pool, the lack of stars in the sky, the fence, the railings on these buildings.
He continues to talk how he can top as well if needed. At this point I’m giving him a smile/grimace that qualifies as both laughing at him and agreeing to his idea. 12:32am
I tell him no that I can’t, we end up exchanging a few more words about life and sharing our problems. We get some more water. We approach the lobby to the exit.
He stops me and says, “ a bathroom is right here….” 12:35am
“Let me just get a snap with you.” *takes picture and places on story with the caption ‘With an old friend’* 'you know you always had a cute smile’ “thanks Edgar.
” We proceed to walk outside, he takes me to my car. 12:36am
I hug him, deeply, like I don’t with the current people involved in my life. Very intensely and just enough to make sure they know I’m there.
We look at each other and he proceeds to walk back to hotel. 12:38am
I begin to think that this did more for me than it did for him… us meeting each other. He told me his intentions for asking for me wasn’t for sex, but I knew that coming in.
I said hello because it’s what a decent human being would do. I loved for another moment carefree of obligations and filled with an emotional high. 12:40am
I text him 'thank you for the chat, it meant a lot to me. Honestly it was great for me.’ He replies 'you know, I could say the same if only you gave me a good time.’ 12:42am
I arrive home at 1:15am, open the fridge grab some milk and pour some cereal. I end up in bed at 1:15am. Still waiting for anything from you