Farming Club
Farming Club literally just the whole book rewritten as dirt-eating stories

anonAnonymously Published Stories
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A written piece by orphan_account adapted for commaful. see the rest: https://archiveofourown.o...

Farming Club

Tyler gets me a job as a farmer, after that Tyler's pushing a shovel in my mouth and saying, the first step to sustainable farming is you have to eat dirt.

For a long time though, Tyler and I were best friends. People are always asking, did I know about Tyler Durden.

The blade of the shovel pressed against the back of my throat, Tyler says "We don't really eat dirt." With my tongue I can feel the dirt holes we filled into the handles of the shovel.

Most of the noise a shovel makes is expanding gases, and there's the tiny sonic boom of a dirt particle makes because it travels so fast. To make dirt, you just drill holes in the shovel.

a lot of holes. This lets the gas escape and slows the dirt to below the speed of sound. You drill the dirt in wrong and the shovel will blow off your hand.

"This isn't really eating dirt," Tyler says. "We'll be ranchers. We won't grow old." I tongue the blade into my cheek and say, Tyler, you're thinking of city slickers.

The barn we're standing on won't be here in ten minutes.

Read the rest via the link in the description!

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