Patrick, sometimes I wonder if you are really my son or God is punishing me.
Your sister turned out beautiful, athletic, and smart so she’s obviously mine so what the fuck happened with you? You can’t even run down the street without tripping all over yourself.
Women want nothing to do with you. You are a complete and utter disappointment. Never in my life did I imagine I’d have spawned a creature that makes me feel physically ill to gaze upon.
Patrick, I wish aborted you. I wish I abandoned you at a fire station. I wish that I dropped you out a window. I wish I smothered you in your sleep.
I am so full of wishes but the reality is that I carried you to term, fed you from my breast, and actually felt love for you. That’s the most sickening part, I felt love you for.
Now, I feel violated that you grew inside me.
Patrick, I’m only writing because Mom and Dad forced me to do it. How does it feel to die a virgin? Don’t answer that. I don’t want to think about that.
But in all honestly, I feel nothing for you but indifference. I don’t hate you. I don’t want you dead. I don’t want anything but for you to never have existed in the first place.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry about everything. I’ll try not to make a mess.