Each stupid blog, quote or anything Tumblr advises you to just ‘re-think and better yourself’. How do you better yourself when you’re just numb from being used and abused? You think to yourself it’ll be different this time, they’ll include me and accept who I am. Every time you get the same results. They exclude you. EXCLUDE.
It sounds like karma really has hit the wrong mark. What have I done to deserve a messed up mind set when it comes to relationships? My mind has programmed me to have superficial thinking and believe that being popular is idealistic and making friends or having relationships with people who are classed as ‘ugly’ is not seen as popular. Anyone else?
When your whole life you think the only way to survive is to be friends with the Lion- what result would I get otherwise? Each time they realise how you’re the thorn on the side of that Ecuador rose. Your just not the right fit in any group.
You put a fake smile and nod and say yes to pretend. But that is not you. You have strong opinions and an analytical mind and a different sense of humour to others. Few people in your life know the real you and even they have turned around and twisted the blade in your back. Maybe you just deserve to be alone.
They laugh at immature things and glance at you to laugh but you just sit there waiting for your laughter to come and it just doesn’t. This toxic cycle of needing to be in the presence of strong people so they talk for you, causes you to hide behind them. How do you escape that type of mental drug? You excuse each of your timid replies and actions and never highlight the hibernation your backbone is in.
Where is your voice. Why couldn’t you have had it easy and was born with it. You see people in your life who are diminished and withdrawn from reality and you rethink everything. Why can’t I be carefree and sing and dance without thinking about what people will think or will say. Why can’t I be like HER.
The one who has all the moves, looks and charisma dripping from each atom of her body. You imagine being HER and everyday your shaken to be reminded how replaceable and monotone you are. In your mind you think people don’t want to accept you and hide emotionally and run away physically.
Repeatedly you create relationships with people who you wish you could be and put them on a pedestal. Then when you create relationships with others you think they are beneath you because of your raised standards. This causes you to write a purely, raw random post about exclusion. Exclusion hurts. Like it physically pains you to see people create plans in front of your face and you are ignored.
You ignore your feelings and instead type it out to random people on the internet. When you type it in google, they give you the Tumblr advice of the fact that you should ‘drop them’. What if you’re the one who was dropped? The word exclusion certainly suggests it.