Edgy Eddie Chapter 1 Monday Fap,fap,fap.Premature genocide. Another soon to be a dry sock hits the floor... 9 am, Momma starts knocking on the door. Tries to get in. But fails, it's locked. *Start's to slam it* And in an annoying, as heck tone of voice says: -Get up honey!*. -AAh fucking hell.*Eddie with the blankets covering his mouth silently complains. -C'mon Eddie, you know you have school today and tomorrow. And tomorrow........Besides, I don't want to hear any more from that piece of shit teacher of yours, bothering me because you are late, or because you didn't do your homework! Again and again and AGAIN!...... *Eddie gasp in frustration... -Ok, il get up soon. -NOW EDWARD!*Screams in an authoritarian voice* -Ok, mommy......*Middle fingers in the air while laying there in the bed*( in his head an amazing scene straight from a cool movie or something but for the outside pathetic if anyone to see a teen guy middle-fingering the space like a turd-god.) Eddie gets up butt naked with some sort of white crust dried up in his belly button. (sheesh...) Nine steps to reach to his closet, and each of those steps its stepped in at least eight out of eleven one of his fallen heirs, encapsulated on crunchy socks and balls of paper, poorly wrapped with the strength of the after climax that his sticky fingers managed to manifest. Opens his closet grabs a blunt, lights up. Look at his Bob Marley poster and does a gesture that resembles a Nazi salute. (Funny enough Eddie can get away with that shit in front of the voyeuristic creatures that ' is are or will be ' watching him from a dimension that exists beyond words). But he can get away because he is as circumcised as a Jew can be, so as Paul McCartney once said ''let it be'', but even if he wasn't, he doesn't give a shit. Must be the weed. But a free spirit in his mind he is and always will be. At least until the puberty keeps on existing on his being. The boy takes a shower,(accidentally waxing his belly button on the process ''Lol'')drys his hairy ass, put his clothes on and grab his shitty backpack full of shitty books and a dozen of half-assed homework, that will allow him to be another brick on the wall after he gets ejaculated by the system. And whatnots. Knots both, clean socks lie inside that pair. Quickly combs his hair, what comes next? Oh yeah, he just accidentally put on his dirty underwear. Eddie undresses and restarts the process, but this time with twice as the focus because he is too high to see the ground clear. Time to move on to school, he goes. But not before to stubble with another bitch he shares this hell hole. His older sister Mirah or how he likes to call her:''Major cunty Mac cuntyness from the town of cuntland". She says: -C'mon shit stain mom told me to drive you to school so let's move on! You better be ready or il drag you butt naked .* she says, while a vein that lives next to her forehead says hello. His sister is ugly. That's all y'all need to know. Both get in the car, that the workaholic father bought to her before calling the quits and divorcing their mother's annoying ass. As she is pretending to care about the young hero's well being and future, she starts to speaks as if she means: Put on the seatbelt she demands from the young hero; hold my coffee quickly! The bitch says; shut up I saw the red light the 'motherfucker' says... Wait that is his moms as well, ok that last one erased it.Hmm k? -Did you do your homework? -Yes.*Eddie respond with a heart full of grudge as he plays along*. -Good! We're here. Go on fuck off. *She says as they arrive in front of the school* The first successful surviving of the day. The tyrant was just sharpening her claws this morning. He opens the door and is send in a simulation of freedom every high schooler is. He passes by the gate and door. Freedom ceases to exist. Inside of the institution he is. And is emerged on another type of society long forgotten for those who passed their 30s. In the hall where the lockers are, he makes his way through the 'futures' or 'nots' of society. In the hall where the lockers are, he makes his way through the 'futures' or 'nots' of society THE JOCKS You got the jocks that fuck everything that possesses legs OR are close enough to the human form You got the jocks that fuck everything that possesses legs OR are close enough to the human form. Most of them are homophobes but on the inside? ''Closet''. Eddie fears them but doesn't get bullied, because he sells them weed with a discount and from time to time get some nudes from the bitches they fuck. (But not the 'backdoor' stuff they do on the locker rooms.) THE NERDS The nerds that run an operation of test contraband and are as virgins as Ave Maria, The nerds that run an operation of test contraband and are as virgins as Ave Maria, (that one chick from that book, that was edgy long before ''George r.r Martin'' when they kill their main boi 'JC'. Was hella wild and popular nowadays? A classic.) Eddie is not smart enough to hang around with those POS, and neither get a discount on the cheating stuff. (That's why those four eyes get the full price on weed). THE COOL KIDS THE COOL KIDS The cool kids come in packs of smokers and non-smokers, Patricks and Jennifers. Son and daughters of big shots and thots that sucked swallowed and popped condoms their way to the top or just plain old money I don't really know, but I do know that they are all from wealthy families. They hang around the theater where they can allow their inner special 'snowflakness' to shine. (This small bit was Heavily inspired by Bully the Rockstar game by the way.) He goes to his locker. Suddenly a lad with scarlet hair approaches Eddie and extends his hand. It's his best friend Xela. That is the name that Alex uses after his coming out as a homosexual, it is his battle name, Or his reborn? Alex is Eddie's best friend since childhood. It was odd as fuck for Eddie wrap around his head that his best friend was a ...gay, but it didn't matter to him he loves the guy like a brother. ( Funny I just remember that once when the two started to watch too many Marvel movies and Eddie started to become obsessed with the marvel 12 pack of the actors Alex tried to convince Eddie that would help him gain some muscle if he took some of the manly protein.)Lol. Continuing--- Alex or Xela approaches Eddie, and says in a very deep voice: -Sup baby? -Ow sup man!*Eddie. -So you did your homework?*Xela. -Nah fuck that, I will just ask Hannah. That bitch owes me some money of the weed she got with me. *Eddie. -Dammn baby. Have you become some sort of high school drug dealer? Aren't you romanticizing this crap, allowing this to be a strong plot of our journey? *Xela. -I don't make the rules! Shit, I don't even know why I even said that! *Eddie. (IZ ALL GOOD CUS EVERYBODY IN THIS UNIVERSE WHO IS A TEENAGER looks like 25++ YEARS OLD) -Well, whatever man and we better stop speaking like this because we are neither black or rappers. *Xela. -What! And you are the one with the ''baby'' shit and besides I love rap! *Eddie. -Really?Name one song by______ *Xela. -Ohh that one with ahhh...., shake ass. Bling bling.Money? Ahhh hoe! Kill motherfucker? That one ya know....*Eddie. -Right, right... *Xela Suddenly a presence appears and pushes Alex...I mean Xela and he fells on his back. THE TROUBLEMAKER THE TROUBLEMAKER This big piece of shit appeared out of nowhere and dropped Lexa on his ass on the hall. Julio was the name of this big ol' bully, he was probably raised by other pieces of shit because Julio is quite the specimen, the holy grail. The chosen one, of all the big ugly mean motherfuckers! Its like they feed this guy testosterone and horse jizz! Its crazy how big and mean this guy is. And Alex Xela is just one of his victims. The guy is a walking cliche. He loves dipping nerds like teapots on the toilet sits and spray tagging the streets while blazing a 420. He is too much of a troublemaker even to make it with the jocks, that unlike them he doesn't repress his homosexuality he was Lexa ex-bf!!!! (TAMM TAMM TAMM HALF-ASSED PLOT TWIST BABY!!!) And that's why Eddie doesn't even flinch a muscle in this situation it's not because he is a weak coward and has shit reflexes due to the smoking of herb. But since this is a classic 'couple trouble' he will not ditch his spoon on this moon. AAh, fuck it! He will!! He swings! ....His voice in a smooth/delicate and beta-ish tone directed to the bully: -Ah, hi Julio!*Eddie. -What have you said to me faggot!*Julio responding in an aggressive tone as he starts marching towards Eddie! -Nonononono.....*trembling in fear Eddie starts backing away and hits his back on the locker. Out of the blue Julio gets hit by a mysterious black hand and passes out !!! Not like black as mysterious as in the shadows BUT the afro-American sort of black I mean. It was his boi Jackie that made that Pos hit the floor. It was his boi Jackie that made that Pos hit the floor A teacher passing by saw the scene being played, not the whole movie just the highlight of Jackie making his hand kiss Julio's face. Right after Julio got back up to fight, the teacher grabbed him and Jackie by the wrist and took them away to detention. *Jackie winks to Eddie as him being dragged away* Eddie tips his head and sighs in relief as Lexa gets up. -Damn, he really didn't react well with our break up. Which is kinda weird I told him I just wanted a tap and run.*Lexa* -Yeah, I don't care for that gay shit. I just hope he doesn't kick my ass for that shit.*Eddie*. -Nah, is all good don't bother with that.*Lexa with a smile from ear to ear* *The alarm, that alarms that the class is gonna start, starts cackling* THE HALL MONITOR THE HALL MONITOR The hall monitor that goes by the name of Jon says: -Cmon bitches time to go to class.*Jon. -Ah well, let's go man.* Lexa. -Let's... *Eddie. They enter the class and is already boring as shit soo...This class is about art the mysteries of life or whatever. Who cares am I right? Fuck that bullshit. Eddie goes and sits down next to Hannah. -Hey, Hannah do you now I need the money from the herb right? *Eddie* -Ahn, don't even start with that shit. You invited me to your house to smoke and chill with you... -Yeah no I....*Hannah abruptly interrupts him* -Just because I didn't make out with you, you are charging me right?* She says in sarcastic tone followed with a raised eyebrow* -No. Fuck you.Bitch.*Eddie says while looking like a pepper and dying inside of crippling sadness* BORING CLASS after BORING CLASS after BORING CLASS after BORING CLASS after BORING CLASS AFTER... *The spastic alarm goes out again symbolizing the end of the day* *The spastic alarm goes out again symbolizing the end of the day* Everybody says goodbye for the whatever boring ass teacher and rush to their freedom. Outside of class and near the parking lot watching for Alex brother to pick his ass up: -Hey, Eddie let's smoke some at my house? *Xela* -Nah man I gonna go Home, see you tomorrow.*Eddie* -Ahh cmon man!*Xela* -Idk man its Monday...*Eddie* -Like you won't go home and hit the artist cigarette!*Xela* -*Sighs Ok fuck it I'm in.*Eddie* -Damn my stupid brother is taking too long...*sighs* Fuck it lets go on foot and then we grab a bus or metro.*Lexa* -Yeah wathever...*Eddie* -C'mon man stop being so grumpy, just because Hannah didn't want to suck yo dick! *Xela* -Ah, shut the fuck up Freddie mercury.*Eddie* Xela laughs out loud. As they were reaching the gates they hear someone whistling. They look back and is Jackie opening the window of detention.* He opens that bitch up and jumps off* - Hey, guys were are you two going?* Jackie* -Make some smoke at Alex's house *Eddie* -*cough*cough.*XELA* -I mean Xela *Eddie* - You still with that bitch ass name? *Jackie* -And you are still calling your friends ''Niggas''? *Xela* -WTF! You can't say that you are white! You fucking racist!! *Jackie* -Oww sorry, Let me suck yo dick as an apology * Xela* -WHAT?? Fuck of Faggot!*Jackie* -WTF! Are you a Homophobe?? *Xela* -WHAT????......*Jackie* -Ha goteem!*Eddie* -Where even now, let's go this shit is boring me.* Xela* - Yeah whatever * Jackie* As the three friends are leaving. Someone screams demanding them to stop. -HEY MOTHERFUCKER I GONNA FUCK YOU THREE UP! It's Julio, that jumped behind Jackie and demands a payback against the one who broke his heart. - It was never serious Julio. Get over that already, we had a nice 'hotdog' moment 'butt' is over, *Xela*Says with a Heath Ledger smile on his face. -No, fuck you. I am the one who end stuff around here not you. You fucking bottom piece of shit !* Julio* JULIO RUNS TOWARDS THE TRIO!!!!!!!!!! in a sprint full of rage. But doesn't matter the amount of strength. Not against three best friends. They kick Julio's ass, that lay down crying while they leave on the sunset..... with Motherfucking-style.