Drunken Ushers
Drunken Ushers stories
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First post here, sharing a tale from my days of running the lights crew in my high school theatre. In May of 2012 we ran Sweeney Todd. It had its hiccups but otherwise went great. There was one night, however, that was particularly memorable.
By InebriatedTanto https://www.reddit.com/r/...

Drunken Ushers

by InebriatedTanto

First post here, sharing a tale from my days of running the lights crew in my high school theatre.

In May of 2012 we ran Sweeney Todd. It had its hiccups but otherwise went great. There was one night, however, that was particularly memorable.

Call was at 4 and everyone shows up and gets to work. About half an hour into prep the lead of the house crew tells the director that two of her ushers haven't arrived yet.

Director calls them and they say they'll arrive shortly. When they do get there, I notice they're acting a little strange, but if there's a problem House Lead and Director will take care of it.

I've got my own work to do.

At one point during prep the Lead Actor winds up snapping at the costume crew. This is relevant later.

Fast forward to the performance. It's going solid and we come to a scene that runs somewhat long with no cues until the end, so I step out of my booth to use the bathroom.

On my way back I overhear a panicked sounding conversation between the two ushers who had arrived late. They'll be Stupid Usher 1 and 2.

SU1: "We shouldn't have had so much to drink, man. I think House Lead knows. We are going to be in so much trouble."

SU2: "Just play it cool. She hasn't said anything to Director yet. We'll be fine."

I make my way back to the light booth and hop on my headset.

Me: "Hey, Stage Manager? I just overheard SU1 and SU2 talking about how they drank before call. You should go let Tech Director know.

" (His office was backstage, and he was always there during every show.)

SM: "I know they did. Look, just don't say anything, alright? I don't want them to get in trouble."

That was not gonna fly with me. I took theatre very seriously and refused to let other people screw around.

So I get my assistant to cover for me (she'd sat through as many runs of the show as me and knew the cues just as well), and go to Director's office to let her know.

She wasn't there (I learned later she'd run to the loo as well), so I go to Tech Director's office and tell him.

He asks me to get SU1 and 2 and bring them to Director's office while he goes to find her.

Just after leaving backstage I run into House Lead.

She's looking for Director or Tech Director, because she just saw SU1 and 2 leave the building with a girl from the costume crew (call her Flora),

saying something about getting revenge on Lead Actor for yelling at the costume crew.

It's worth nothing costumes had already gotten their revenge by running to the store across the street, buying a pack of balloons, inflating them all and stuffing them in his car.

I tell House Lead about her ushers being somewhat drunk and Tech Director wanting me to bring them to Director's office. She comes with me to look for them.

We find them in the parking lot ganging up on Lead Actor's car. SU1 and 2 are by the doors, Flora is on the roof, they've all got their pants around their ankles and the car is looking very...

wet.

After a lot of shouting and cuss words from me, which I'm surprised they couldn't hear in the theatre, SU1 and 2 and now Flora are escorted to Director's office for their just desserts.

TL;DR: Ushers come to a performance drunk and piss on the lead actor's car.

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