So let’s preference this with I’m 22 and I’ve never had a boyfriend. It’s not that I’ve never liked a guy. I’ve liked plenty of guys, but there’s never been a guy that I liked back.
I’ve been asked out a couple of times, but it was by guys that I didn’t like or didn’t even know.
For example, the one guy that asked me out proceeded to stalk me throughout high school. And one guy asked me out not realizing that I was friends with his girlfriend at the time.
I’ve, also, been bullied so much about my looks and personality that I don’t believe I deserve someone’s love. Ive never considered that someone could love me fully. Ive just been scared.
So, recently there has been a new guy at work that is cute, funny, and actually nice and smart. The guys at work have joked that we should start dating and that we would make a cute couple.
And don’t think I didn’t think about it cause I did. The catch is he’s been dating his girlfriend for a couple of years now, so there is no hope for me at all at dating him. He loves her a lot.
Usually that is an instant turn off for me. But, lately I’ve been having dreams about him and last nights was the longest one.
I dreamed that we were at work, and I was in the back of our work building talking to a bunch of people when the topic of the new guy came up.
People started joking about us dating, and I let them know that he had a girlfriend.
One of the guys turned to me and said “He told me that he was going to break up with her so he could take you on a date.”
Let me tell you how disgusted I am at myself. I felt so much joy in that moment that I can’t believe that I did.
A sick part of me was happy he was breaking up with his long time girlfriend to give me a shot. I even woke up happy!
And I’ve been having small dreams with him in it over the past two weeks but nothing like this.
He usually just shows up in them as a background person that I really don’t pay too much attention to. The only other dream he was in was one about a cabin that me and my friends were renting.
He appeared with his girlfriend to hang out with us.
I just want my dreams to stop harassing me and getting my hopes up on something that isn’t going to happen. They’ve been so vivid that I wake up thinking that they could have been real.
But this is something that is never going to happen. I’m moving two hours away next week, and he already has a girlfriend he loves so much and has been with for years.
He deserves someone better than me anyway.