Bathroom Blues, AKA "Doodie Duty" (play, not movie theater)
Bathroom Blues, AKA "Doodie Duty" (play, not movie theater) stories
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I don't know if people-on-the-stage theaters are allowed here, since this seems to be almost completely movie theater stories, but either way, I figure you all know what I go through anyway. If there is a better place to put this, or a place you think should xpost, etc... please, let me know. I just needed to rant.
By AliceJotunheim https://www.reddit.com/r/...

Bathroom Blues, AKA "Doodie Duty" (play, not movie theater)

by AliceJotunheim

I don't know if people-on-the-stage theaters are allowed here, since this seems to be almost completely movie theater stories, but either way, I figure you all know what I go through anyway.

If there is a better place to put this, or a place you think should xpost, etc... please, let me know. I just needed to rant.

Tried not to cuss, tried to explain without being long winded, etc. Still, there are some curse words in there, so be warned. Wall of text, but there's a TL;DR at the bottom.

I'm an usher at my college's theater, and we bring in all sorts of things. Ballet, dance, plays, musicals, you name it.

We even have "Broadway in (my city)" working with us to actually allow their Broadway shows to come to our theater.

It benefits both of us, since they get one constant venue, and we get a whole lot more people coming to our theater.

Long story short(er), my hall is decent size.

Seats about 2500 people, very nice considering how old it is, complete with working air conditioning (a must here), and full sound and light equipment, which isn't cheap.

You'd think they'd be happy with that.

Nope, and here's why. We have one bathroom for men, and one bathroom for women.

Granted, the bathrooms themselves have 14 stalls, and I have only ever seen that number of bathrooms in some of the multiplex movie theaters I've been in.

For people-on-stage theater, that's a ridiculously good amount of bathrooms. But it's still never enough.

We even have "Doodie Duty," where a female usher stands INSIDE the women's bathroom, directing women to open stalls during the intermission,

so that we can get our 600-700 women emptied out and back in the hall by the time intermission is over.

We're damned good at it, and it's one of the few places in my job that I get praise in, and that I actually enjoy doing.

However, on those off days, when 14 stalls just won't cut it.... I get nothing but shit.

When we had a family Broadway show come in, every damned family in our city was there, dragging along their little crotch fruits and clogging up the line.

Nothing moved, and no matter how fast I worked on my Doodie Duty, we couldn't get people in and out fast enough.

It obviously couldn't have been (read: OBVIOUSLY WAS) because their vagina spawn were left in the tiny aisle between stalls to whine that they couldn't see their precious mommy (I said 14 stalls,

not 14 roomy stalls), or blocked up my line because they couldn't decide whether they needed to pee or not,

WHILE standing in a stall's doorway and keeping me from telling an adult who DID need to pee to use it,

OR because the parents couldn't drag their hellions into the stall with them or leave them with another "responsible" adult outside. No, obviously it was my fault.

I got yelled at about once every four women for the length of the line, for the wait time on the bathrooms, and how few bathrooms there were. Yes, how few. 14 is as good as I've ever seen.

I've been to New York itself, I didn't see 14 bathroom stalls with your own personal bathroom attendant keeping the line moving (Times may have changed since I went there, though).

You wouldn't believe the amount of times I heard, "So what exactly are *you* doing in here, then? (Because you're obviously not working or anything)," "Why isn't this line moving faster?

" "Is there another bathroom (for us more entitled people)?" "So when are you getting more stalls in here?" "Can we just use the men's restroom since there's no one in there?

(False: men do actually have to pee, they just don't take as f@$&ing long as you do, hence no line)" Along with a couple cuss words mixed in there.

Which is always great to hear in front of children.

The annoyance and anger I have felt in that situation knows no bounds.

I mean, of course, I'm best friends with the contractor, I'll just call him up now (sarcasm)!

I know 14 F@$&ING STALLS aren't enough for you, because you can't f@$&ing listen to me and to into the number stall I SAY.

Obviously it was my choice to leave it at 14 stalls for one establishment, which is in the middle of a college hub, complete with museum, restaurants, shopping stores...

there are NO other bathrooms that you could possibly dash to and get back within the 20 minutes we've given you. I am an usher. Technically, I'm the lowest paid minion here.

I have no say in things, and I tell you what I know. Just because you're not happy with it, doesn't mean my reply changes. I'm doing my job the best that I can, and you're just making it worse.

People can be so annoyingly entitled that sometimes it's not worth accepting Doodie Duty. Most of the time we get women who are so thankful for what we do.

"You just stand inside here the whole time?

" "You're so wonderful at organization!" "In and out in less than ten minutes, you're fantastic!" "Thank you for keeping the line moving!

" It sucks that it's the families, the ones who should be teaching their little vermin how to act in public, that ruin what is normally the best part of my shift.

**TL;DR: Whenever families are coming, you'd better run, because Doodie Duty is going to be full of nothing but shit, and it's all getting flung at you.**

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