I just picked up a babysitting job on the east side of town.
I don’t want to use anyone’s real names for fear of repercussion, so for the sake of this post, we’ll call the girl whom I’m supposed to be babysitting Abby.
I had my interview yesterday and immediately afterword, I was offered the job. I didn’t even get to meet Abby before she handed me an offer letter.
She insisted that I not read or sign the offer letter there, but instead take it home and consider the contents there, so that’s precisely what I did, and precisely why I’m posting this.
I’ve typed the offer letter and posted it below.
To Whom It May Concern:
This letter is in response to your query about the babysitting position of Abigail Yates, age six.
If you have received this letter, you have met a series of undisclosed qualifications by the mother of Abigail: Miss Gwendolyn Yates.
Signature of acknowledgement of the terms below is vital for employment. Any breach of these terms will result in immediate termination.
· Abigail is not to be touched – no matter how much she cries.
· Abigail is to be fed each hour in her bedroom, precisely on the hour, except between two and four in the morning,
during which time Abigail is not to be communicated with or sought after.
· The employee authorizes and provides Abigail and Gwendolyn access to infant photos of his/herself no older than up to six months of age.
If no such photographs are available, there will be no need for further employment.
· Between the hours of two and four in the morning,
Abigail’s room is to be locked and the radio is to be played over the speaker system on a loop so as not to allow any break in sound.
In the event of a power outage, both the radio and the speaker system are set up to the power generator.
In the event the speaker system goes out or the music stops, leave the house immediately without Abigail.
· Abigail has an imaginary friend whom she calls Teresa. It is of vital importance that you acknowledge the existence of the friend but do not try to contact her in ANY way.
If Teresa contacts you, you are welcome to communicate, but Teresa MUST be the one to initiate communication in ANY form.
· Abigail is not to leave her room under any circumstances.
In the event of an emergency, leave the house and dial the emergency number listen in the directory you will receive upon signature of this document. Do not call 911 under any circumstances.
· If anyone comes to the door, do not answer it – they are not real.
Upon signature and return of this document, you will be provided further instruction.