Maternal instinct- how I once loathed the concept.
If the impetus to pop out babies was in every woman's wiring, then I must have been a different model entirely.
I’d always thought that my best friend, Sarah, felt likewise- until she went and got herself knocked up.
She promised me that things would still be the same after the baby came, but I knew it was a lie. That screaming, crying infant was going to ruin everything.
I was so certain that my own, fabled maternal instinct would never arrive.
But then Sarah had her baby.
Seeing Jacob in the hospital for the first time, I knew at once that I had been wrong. It seems, motherhood actually was for me.
Suddenly, I could feel that primal surge of love and desire that parents carried on about in movies. Those gem blue eyes, that rich brown hair; he would be perfect.
From that moment on, I knew that if I ever wanted to have a child, I would need to make Jacob a part of my family. I was going to be a mother, no matter what.
Over the years, I kept a close watch over Jacob. Sarah leaned on me heavily for help with raising him, and I complied all too willingly. My uterus ached every time I saw the boy.
There Sarah would be, absentmindedly parenting him, so completely unaware of the gift she had been given.
I always bit my tongue, but longed desperately to get her out of the way, once and for all. Only then could I finally be a mother.
My wish eventually came true when Jacob was sixteen; Sarah was killed after a nasty fall down the stairs. It was such an unusual way for her to die and yet, no one was suspicious.
Custody was a foregone conclusion. Jacob's father was long out of the picture, and I had served as Jacob’s godmother since he was born. The judge quickly appointed me his legal guardian.
In a few days, Jacob is going to come and live with me. After all this waiting, I'll soon have my dream- I'm finally going to experience motherhood.
It’s a bit late in life to undertake, but so many mid-30s women start now. Fate will, at long last, bring me my child.
Jacob is going to make a great father for them.