Act upon your value system and check it once in a while (that is: constantly).
Just don’t carry all those attitudes in your pocket for nobody to see and react to; and don’t corrupt them in an empty speech (coined the “Bateman-Effect”; gettting back to this at
another time). Some speech isn’t performative, or at least not in any intentional speech-act-theoryish sense. Saying: “But I’m a good guy!” won’t instantly make you a good guy. It won’t.
Especially if only being said when you are criticised or called out or you just made a fool of yourself in feminist discourse.
And there is hardly any other context in which this phrase is prominent.
If there is a performative act in uttering the “Good Guy”-defense, it’s this: “I decide not to let myself be criticised (and I am priviledged enough to discard any points made) ,
I’d rather keep my fragile but aggressive self than to open up to other voices which would most certainly change who I consider myself to be.
My phrase will conceal power relations and it will act as a both ridiculing and- in its abstraction- objective statement.
Instead of letting myself be shaped by interaction with other beings I decide to rather hurt than being hurt; rather to stand still than to enrich/ infect myself with other view points;
rather to glorify my attitudes as “edgy”, “unpopular”, “artsy”, or even bravely imagining myself as a fighter against “PC-culture” than to acknowledge change is necessary and inevitable.
You might have a million voices, I still have a couple of phrases and since my words are hegemonial and discursively strong, I win every time. I’m a good guy.
And no matter what you might throw at me, I will even derive pleasure from simply pointing out again and again: I’m a good guy. I hide in those words.
I need to hide myself in those words to maintain my subjectivity. My conviction is drained in power, I consider it a sign of strength to proudly present my shield of immunity.
Just in case, I have other phrases with me:Boys will be boys, not all men are toxic/ ignorant/ whatever, there are bad apples everywhere, I don’t see sex and/ or gender, we are all human,
your criticism is in itself sexist, you are mean, emotional and judgemental, you don’t even know me.
I am a good guy, and I choose not to be challenged”First advice: Don’t use your language as a shield for this shield is an essential part of patriarchal weaponry.