A start of feelings
A start of feelings stories
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Autoplay OFF  •  6 months ago
It’s eighth grade year and a girl (me) catches feeling for a boy but school ends and so does there relationship sadness sets in

A start of feelings

It was the first month or so into eight grade when i met this guy in my history class. He was probably the first guy that i notice that was actually into me; it was weird. I wasn’t a girl with big boobs or a big butt i was just a school because we had to not make boyfriends. As those next couple months went by i thought he was decent but never actually had interest in him. He asked me if i had and instagram and i did so he wrote it down on a piece of loose leaf paper folded it up and gave it to me. I put it into the back of my jean pocket not a care in the world to look at it i was to caught up in the moment. When i got home i took it out and read it. It indeed was his username written in pen with terrible handwriting, which i expected. I went on my phone searched it up and followed it, but i was not super impressed with his feed because there were some really weird pictures from like him in elementary school. After i folded the paper back up and was going to throw it out but something told me not to. So i took it and put it in the way back of my desk to find it another day and rethink all those memories and sure enough i did. The next day i went to school wearing something a little nicer like a sweat sure and leggings and neatly brushed hair compared to something completely random and my hair in a ugly pony tail. The reason i went to this so called trouble was not because i liked him it was that something told me that this boy was put there for a reason that i would soon discover.

My history class was the last mod of the day so by the end of the day i was a mess but it kinda had me looking forward to going to school and finishing the day. As the year went on this boy stopped flirting with me which i had mixed feelings about. He also left the table that i sat at so i was just another random guy, to special needs kids, and there assistant teacher. I loved sitting there away from the other kids. I talked to the assistant teacher every day, i really liked her. I focused on my work and got really good grades. Then sometime around 3rd quarter the teacher was going to move some seats. Most people stayed the same but some moved. The random guy moved and a new guy who we will call BB moved into his seat, the seat next to me.

Now i knew who BB was and i think he new who i was from last year so we hit off pretty good. He was a hard worker like me and liked to get good grades. So we would have competitions o see who would get better grades. I would win almost every time since i aced all my tests. He was the one i looked forward too. We got really close and it made me feel good. This other girl who we’ll call Jen was starting to hit on him and try and be well more that’s friends and he didn’t like that, so he came to me for advice. I always asked him why it bugged him so much a girl was trying to get to know him, what’s wrong with that. He finally gave in and told me that he like another girl, which i was fine with because i didn’t like him yet. BB gave Jen his number and they started to text. BB said he liked a girl who we will call T. I told BB if he want to get rid of Jen just to let her down easy and try and stay friends, well that didn’t go so well. The next day he came in and i asked him how it went. He said it went fine and that he told her that they should just part ways and she said “fine”. Now to him it meant fine but to the trained eye it meant RAGE. Sure enough the next night she went off at him and after that there was no more of her. The important part of that is that he told me who he liked, he trusted me.

Now i was becoming really close to BB and i had fun messing with him about T. But it was close to the end of the 3rd quarter and the teacher said she was moving seats.This is when i realized I didn’t want to lose him, I didn’t want to stop seeing each other. I knew if god wanted us to be near each other it would happen and sure enough it did. My new seat, next to BB just us, but with the other boy from earlier in the year who we will call Ry. I was thrilled about this just us next to each other on the left side of the room. God new, i knew. Now writing this 2 months later i wish I could’ve stayed there in that room forever. This quarter was the best. Me and BB spent every day in that class together, but with Ry. BB always said me and Ry should go out. I said no cause I didn’t like him at all (even though thought i did). They would constantly nagged me about this. Ry asked me to the eight grade dance but i strictly said no. He tried over and over agin, but I couldn’t tell if it was a joke or if he was serious. Then he asked me to the prom in high school and i thought jokes on him i wont see him ever in high school since he is going to a private all boys school and I’m going to private all girls. But funny enough his sister goes to the school I’m going to so i would see him again. He said if he changed if i would go with him. I said if he changed a lot and he took that as a yes. I squad he had to change but he said you didn’t say no so that’s a yes.

secretly never said no we agreed in our head. I would happen like this. He would be working on something and he would not being getting it and I would so i would show him and we sit next to each other so we are already pretty close. I would lean over to touch his computer screen to show him what to do and we would laugh cause he would get it. And just like that Ry was there to ruin the moment but saying “Aww you guys should date!!” I would just sit there and so would he and we would just blush and look away without saying anything. Not a no but not a yes. It was a weird feeling i got when being in that class. I think i liked BB, but it wasn’t the same if Ry want there too.

The feeling i got when it came to feelings with BB was weird. It felt like i was just hurt of catching feelings for him. Like someone throws you a ball but you can’t catch it and it hits the ground right at your feet. I liked him but i didn’t. Maybe it was because I didn’t look at him and think your cute but you make me laugh. Oh what i would give to relive that class. But because of this feeling i wanted to go to class every day. When the last week of school approached i was happy to leave school but sad to leave that class. On the Monday before school let out I couldn’t go because of my sisters graduation. On Tuesday was ours so we didnt have class. I told my mom i wanted to go to school on Wednesday to say bye to my teachers one last time but really it was for BB, to say bye. Earlier that day when i was walking down the hall for some reason i cant recall he was with his friends and he called out my name. We had an inside joke with me, him, and Ry about some yodeling pickle Ry wanted to get. The name of said objects speaks for itself. So as i was walking he goes “Juliana (pronouncing it wrong) YODILING PICKLE” then goes into the center of his friend group were they all tap his back and high five him like he won and award. I smiled and laughed and nodded my head in disapproval. At that moment i knew that would not be the last of him. That day when the mod where we went to history, he didnt show. I was really disappointed. The only reason i came to school that day didn’t show. He went to another room and i never said goodbye.

The feeling i got when it came to feelings with BB was weird. It felt like i was just hurt of catching feelings for him. Like someone throws you a ball but you can’t catch it and it hits the ground right at your feet. I liked him but i didn’t. Maybe it was because I didn’t look at him and think your cute but you make me laugh. Oh what i would give to relive that class. But because of this feeling i wanted to go to class every day. When the last week of school approached i was happy to leave school but sad to leave that class. On the Monday before school let out I couldn’t go because of my sisters graduation. On Tuesday was ours so we didnt have class. I told my mom i wanted to go to school on Wednesday to say bye to my teachers one last time but really it was for BB, to say bye. Earlier that day when i was walking down the hall for some reason i cant recall he was with his friends and he called out my name. We had an inside joke with me, him, and Ry about some yodeling pickle Ry wanted to get. The name of said objects speaks for itself. So as i was walking he goes “Juliana (pronouncing it wrong) YODILING PICKLE” then goes into the center of his friend group were they all tap his back and high five him like he won and award. I smiled and laughed and nodded my head in disapproval. At that moment i knew that would not be the last of him. That day when the mod where we went to history, he didnt show. I was really disappointed. The only reason i came to school that day didn’t show. He went to another room and i never said goodbye.

It turns out his brother was one of the coaches for my swim team. And he couched for our swim meets so when the meets came around guess who was there. BB. This took me to surprise even though it should have. When i first saw him i was walking by his table to get water when i spotted I’m but he didn’t see me yet. I turned my head away so fast it gave me whiplash. As i walked away I smiled as all those memories looked back, all those good times, all those memories. I keep pretending not to see him that day cause it took to surprise. I think later on he saw me cause i saw him glance my way and see me and give a smirk even though i “didn’t” see him. After seeing him it kinda maybe me so anxious not only for the next meet to see him again but for swimming. I am a terrible swimmer except for breaststroke. I hoped he wouldn’t see me swim and i still don’t know if he did considering his table was across the pool to where the start is. The next meet he was there again and i did the same thing and pretend not to see him. I cant remember how many meets he showed up to, but i did the same thing ever time. I wish looking back on it now that i would have done something like say hi or something, but i didn’t. Looking back now that was god giving me an opportunity to not lose him and i lost it. The last meet he didn’t show, i was actually going to say something that time but he didn’t show. I thought i lost him but i had one more opportunity to see and do something. The swim picnic but he didn’t show. I have lost him. This is where I am now.

Now you may think like your a ninth grade girl this isn’t a big deal. But to me it is not was it is. No matter how much homework i got, no matter how bad i did on my test, no matter how much my life was falling apart everywhere else That one mod where i saw him i was a peace. Nothing bad would flood me no reason to cry no reason to want to go forever i just wanted to stay. Now something i didn’t mention earlier is that I’m a diabetic. Meaning i am constantly being monitored. I have to watch what i eat, drink, exercise, everything. It brought me hell sometimes. My mother always yelled at me for not being this or not counting that and sometimes it rally brought me down. She doesn’t see how hard it can be to juggle that and everything else. A side from that my friend life was falling apart my two better friends didn’t like each other and it made me go crazy having to chose. Often i chose neither and just did things on my own like eating lunch. You could say my middle school years sucked. BB was my happy place. When having to get needles for my diabetes i would think about something to look forward to. Kind of like if i did this needle i could do this later. I even use this still and it gets me threw everything. So when getting needles i would think, i can see BB tomorrow in history.

Currently it’s August and school starting soon. But so far no BB. I think i really lost him. I was given my opportunity from god and i didn’t take it. I’m going to have to live with that. I’m not sure what to do from here, no more writing this story no more happy ending. I have fallen back into my black whole. My black whole where I’m surrounded by my negativity my mistakes my tears; my unhappiness. Without him I’m i am not happy. everything gets me down. It’s hard writing this now. looking back at what i had and what I’m missing now. Writing this hurts my chest, it aches. writing this hurts my eyes from crying. Writing this hurts me. At this point there is no happy ending so, good bye

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